What to do when everything is going wrong?

I've been there more times than I'd like to admit! When everything feels like it's falling apart, here's what actually helps:

First, the immediate triage steps:

1. Stop and breathe - Seriously, take 5 deep breaths. It resets your nervous system.
2. Make a list of what's actually wrong versus what feels wrong. Seeing it on paper often shrinks the problem.
3. Eat something and drink water - Low blood sugar and dehydration magnify every problem.
4. Get some sleep if possible - Everything looks worse when you're exhausted.

The mental shift that helps most: - Remember this is temporary - No bad situation lasts forever, even when it feels permanent - You've survived 100% of your bad days so far - Track record is perfect! - Break it down - You don't have to solve everything at once, just the next small step

Practical actions that helped me: - Reach out to one person - Don't suffer in silence - Do one small productive thing - Clean a drawer, pay one bill, make your bed - Get outside - Even 10 minutes of fresh air changes perspective - Limit doom-scrolling - Social media makes everything feel worse

What I learned from my worst periods: The feeling that "everything" is wrong is usually 2-3 actual problems plus exhaustion and stress amplifying them. Solve the real problems one by one, and the feeling of overwhelm decreases.

Most importantly: Be kind to yourself. You're doing your best in a difficult situation, and that's enough for today.

Tomorrow really is a new day, even when it doesn't feel like it.

When everything seems to go wrong, pause. The instinct is to push harder, but what often helps most is to stop, breathe, and observe without judgment. Write down what’s actually going wrong — seeing it on paper shrinks chaos into clarity.

Then, divide what you wrote into controllables and uncontrollables. Work only on the first list — you can’t fix weather, timing, or other people’s choices. Control your actions, habits, and responses.

Second: take micro-steps — eat properly, hydrate, sleep well. These basics stabilize your mood and energy, which are the first to go when things collapse. Third, reach out. Talk to someone neutral — a friend, mentor, or counselor. You don’t need to solve everything alone.

Life works in waves. When it’s bad, it often feels permanent, but it isn’t. Focus on improving one small area, and momentum builds. Remember: storms don’t last forever; they just clear paths you didn’t see before.

From a psychological perspective, when everything feels like it's going wrong, your brain is likely in overwhelm mode. Here's how to work with your psychology rather than against it:

Understand what's happening in your brain: - Amygdala hijack - Your fear center has taken over - Cognitive overload - Too many problems for your working memory - Negative bias - Brain naturally focuses on threats - All-or-nothing thinking - "Everything" feels wrong because some things are wrong

Evidence-based techniques that work:

1. Grounding exercise (5-4-3-2-1 method): - Name 5 things you can see - 4 things you can touch - 3 things you can hear - 2 things you can smell - 1 thing you can taste

2. Problem containment: - Set a worry timer - 15 minutes to think about problems, then stop - Use mental folders - visualize putting each problem in a separate folder - Create a "not now" list - problems to address later

3. Perspective widening: - How will this matter in 5 years? (reduces 95% of problems) - What would you tell a friend in your situation? - Look for exceptions - what's NOT going wrong?

4. Micro-action approach: - Break problems into "smaller than small" steps - Focus only on the very next action - Use "just 5 minutes" rule - commit to working on something for only 5 minutes

The psychological truth: Action creates motivation, not the other way around. The smallest step forward often creates the mental shift needed to tackle bigger problems.

Professional help signs: If this state lasts more than 2 weeks, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out to a mental health professional immediately.

Crisis helplines exist because sometimes we all need help, and that's completely normal and okay.

Having been through some truly terrible periods where everything actually WAS going wrong, let me share what I wish someone had told me:

First, acknowledge the reality: Sometimes everything IS actually going wrong, and pretending otherwise doesn't help. Give yourself permission to feel the full weight of it for a moment.

Then, implement survival mode:

1. The basics checklist: - ✅ Are you safe? (physically and mentally) - ✅ Do you have shelter? - ✅ Do you have food for today? - ✅ Is there anyone you can call?

2. The triage system: - Category 1: Things that will cause immediate harm if not addressed (health, safety, basic needs) - Category 2: Things that are important but can wait 24-48 hours - Category 3: Everything else - table it for later

3. The one-thing rule: You only need to do ONE thing today to move forward. It can be tiny: - Make one phone call - Send one email - Research one solution - Ask one person for help

What helped me most during rock bottom: - Therapy (if accessible) - Support groups for whatever I was facing - Routine even when I didn't want one - Celebrating microscopic wins (got out of bed? Victory!)

The hard truth: Some problems can't be solved quickly. The goal becomes enduring until you can solve them. And you CAN endure more than you think.

My mantra during worst times: "This is temporary. I am strong. I only need to handle the next 5 minutes."

Sometimes the victory is just making it through the day, and that's absolutely enough.

My advice is practical and focused on resetting your perspective, which is often the first thing to break when everything is wrong.

• The Gratitude Reset: At the end of the day, take five minutes to intentionally write down 3-5 things that did go right or that you have to be thankful for. It can be small—your coffee didn't spill, you got a full night's sleep, or you ate a healthy lunch. Your brain is wired to focus on threats and problems, so you have to consciously force it to recognize the good things to prevent that spiral of negativity.
• Revisit Your Essentials: Are you sleeping enough? Are you eating something nutritious? Are you moving your body? When things go wrong, we often stop doing the basics that keep us mentally and physically strong. Prioritize these essentials. You can't fight a battle on an empty stomach and two hours of sleep.
• Talk it Out (The Right Way): Find a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor. Don't just vent; ask them to help you look at the problem objectively. Sometimes just articulating the chaotic thoughts out loud brings clarity and helps you separate the immediate crisis from the manageable problems.

When it feels like you're in a downpour and everything is going wrong, the most important thing is to stop the downward spiral and get your feet back on solid ground.

1. Acknowledge and Validate: First, recognize that it's okay to feel overwhelmed, sad, or frustrated. Don't fight the emotion; just acknowledge it. Remind yourself: "This is temporary." This simple phrase shifts your perspective away from "When will this ever end?" to "There is a timeline and an end to this."
2. Focus Small and Near: Stop looking at your five-year plan. When overwhelmed, focus on what you can control today or this week. Break down the big "wrong" things into the smallest possible, easily attainable tasks. For example, instead of "Fix my finances," make a task "Call one creditor today." Getting a small win builds momentum and helps you feel more in control.
3. Take a Break (Self-Care isn't Selfish): You need to refill your tank. Take a real break. This doesn't need to be a vacation. It can be a 15-minute walk outside, listening to a favorite album, or doing a silly, fun activity like playing a game or baking, just for the sake of enjoying yourself. Doing something just for fun tells your brain you're not in permanent survival mode.