How to ask your crush out?

Asking out a crush might seem like the scariest thing to do in the world. I'm talking scarier than skydiving, haunted houses, or coming across a giant snake. That's because when you're face to face with your crush, looking into their gorgeous eyes, the chance of rejection is just too real.

I get it, I've been there, we all have. You can't get rejected if you never ask them out, right? But, then again, you will also miss the opportunity of possibly moving on from crushes to something more if you never ask them out. So, sometimes you just have to suck it up and take the leap.

Still scared? Don't worry. In order to better prepare you and calm your nerves, I talked to two dating experts to find out everything you need to know before you ask out your crush.

Why is it so hard to ask out a crush?

"It’s hard to do anything that warrants an unknown reaction," says Maria Sullivan, VP and dating expert of Dating.com. As I said before, the thought of getting rejected is scary, and for many of us, when faced with an unknown, we automatically assume it's going to end in the worst possible outcome. But that's not always true, and as dating expert and author Andrea Syrtash explains, sometimes, "the rewards outweigh the risk," and you have to just put yourself out there and do it.

What are some common mistakes people make when asking out a crush?

What should you not do when asking someone out? "Don't overprepare," Maria says. "Some of the best, most genuine moments happen on the fly. Just go for it – if you are feeling good vibes, odds are it will work out."

That leads us to Andrea's advice, which is, if you're not feeling good vibes, and if the person has expressed no interest in hanging or hasn't been nice or approachable, maybe don't ask them out. That being said, if you do go for it, Andrea advises that you be confident and friendly. "If you’re insecure in body language or words, your date invitation won’t be as appealing." Of course, if you do ask them out, and they say no, that's not an invitation to ask again and again and again. Respect their answer and move on.

How should you ask out someone you don't know well?

Asking out someone you know is scary enough. Will it ruin your friendship if they say no? Will they be weirded out? But asking out someone you don't know well is a whole other ballgame. Andrea suggests starting off with a sincere compliment and then inviting your crush to a party or event you're attending. "It's a little less pressure than a formal date."

What about someone you know very well?

But like I said, asking out someone you know is also scary (basically this all is pretty terrifying). Andrea suggests gauging interest at first and asking out your crush without really asking them out. "You can say something like, 'I really want to go to the water park this summer. Want to find a weekend and join me?'" She suggests. "If your friend expresses no interest in the activity and doesn’t suggest another, consider it a sign to move on.”

If it seems like there's a spark there, however, don't let the stress get to you...go for it! "You can’t let any of [the fear] stop you from doing what’s best for you and you’re life," Maria says.

What is the best way to deal with rejection?

Sometimes, things don't work out, and you might have to face some rejection. It happens to literally everyone at one time or another, so just know that you're not alone. "Have a good cry, run a mile – whatever works best for you as a coping mechanism," Maria says. She suggests moving on quickly though. "By continuing to go out and live your life, another person who will catch your attention soon enough. Not to mention, this a great way to show the rejecter you’re mature and optimistic. Who knows, maybe they’ll recognize what they’re missing out on!"

It's important to remember that your crush isn't the only person in the world. As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea (sorry, I had to). "If [your crush] isn’t interested, take it as a sign that you’re not a match and it’s better to focus on someone who gets you," Andrea says.

Any other tips?

When considering asking someone out, Andrea suggests keeping in mind her 3 Cs of dating: confidence, curiosity and charisma. "You don’t have to be the most attractive or interesting person in the room. Being confident and having a light-hearted approach to asking someone out helps."

Plus, when you ask a crush out on a date, it isn't always necessary to walk away with a definitive yes or no answer. Maria recommends leaving things open ended, like saying, "I’ve been thinking about it and I’d love if we could hangout. We should do something soon." This way, your crush won't be caught off guard when you come out later and ask them on a date.

Finally, ask your crush out in person. It might be so much easier to hide behind a phone, but "making that move in person establishes that you really have thought about this, which demands a certain level of respect," says Maria.

Follow Carolyn on Instagram.

Asking anyone out is tough, but learning how to ask your crush out will make nerves run even higher. This is someone you have feelings for, whether these are serious feelings or admiration. It’s one of the most nervous things to do, especially when you really like them and hope they say yes! *you’re probably sweating a bit as well*

You try to build up the nerve to ask them out but when you’re around them, the time doesn’t seem right or you just lose the courage. This is a universal problem. Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this problem.

In fact, all of us have been through this, and it’s normal to feel this way. Even people with high levels of confidence struggle when it comes to knowing how to ask a crush out!

[Read: How to approach your crush – The steps you need to take to impress them]

On the surface, it sounds like asking your crush out should be easy or at least straightforward enough. But, the thing about asking out your crush is that you are revealing your secretive, innermost feelings to them.

You’re literally putting yourself out there and taking a chance on them, hoping they say yes to a date with you. And that’s a lot of risk!

Of course, you like them, so there’s always a fear of rejection or worse looming in the shadows. What if you embarrass yourself in front of them? But, if you don’t take that risk and let your feelings show, how will you ever know what would have happened? You cannot live your life in constant fear of rejection or awkwardness.

It’s not or never, so better take that chance while you still can. No matter the outcome, knowing how to ask your crush out will build up your self-esteem and help you live your life fully.

But if you want to increase the odds of your crush dating you, you really need to know how to hang out with your crush. Use this feature on how to talk to your crush and the secrets to make them fall for you and make sure you’ve built a really good connection already. Just doing that will up the odds of your crush liking you back by a hundredfold!

It’s not a life or death kind of thing, but it’s definitely going to help your dating life. By knowing how to ask them out, you’re opening yourself up to many possibilities! It doesn’t matter whether they said yes or no; what matters is you tried your best. You’ll never know if they feel the same if you never took the chance, right?

This way, you’ll never look back and regret the chances you failed to take because of that fear. What if they like you back, but you never had the skill or courage to ask them out?

That’s a date you’re completely missing out on. Think of the possibilities that could happen if you just took the leap of faith. [Read: How to ask someone out over text and get that satisfying “yes”]

Before learning how to ask your crush out, you have to try to get over the fear and anxiety that goes with it. Of course, your heart is going to beat faster and you’re going to fumble on a few words! You do not have power through those emotions or ignore it.

Rather, take that fear and form it into a reminder that taking this chance is worth it no matter what happens. Once you pass that bridge, you should find it easy going forward.

Here, we’ll go through the steps you need to take to finally ask your crush out in person. But remember, if you want to be successful, don’t just walk up to your crush and blurt out that you like them. It may work, but bigger chances are, your crush would be surprised and the first thing they’ll say *more out of awkwardness or shock* is that they don’t see you in that way!

You don’t want to make that mistake, do you?

Always make your intentions clear from the very beginning. And as much as you possibly can, flirt with them now and then, and always leave them wondering if you have more than just friends in mind.

If you do this right, everything just gets way easier and in all probability, your crush may even be waiting for you to ask them out! Use these 22 steps to drop the right hints and get your crush to like you back before you even think of pouring your heart out to them in person.

Once you’ve used the guides and you’ve dropped all the right hints, follow these steps on how to ask your crush out, and chances are, they’ll say “yes” to you even before you finish your sentence!

It’s much more nerve-wracking to ask a complete stranger who you’re admiring from afar than to ask your crush who’s also your friend. It’s important to build some form of connection with them before even asking them out in the first place.

It reduces your anxiety and nervousness, and it can also increase your chances of them saying yes. Just make sure not to wait too late in asking them out, or you might get stuck in the friend zone! [Read: How to escape the friend zone – 13 actions that make you desirable]

It’s so crazy how something that literally comes so naturally to us can just be completely forgotten due to nerves. Don’t forget to breathe! Your crush is just as human as you, and it’s just like you’re talking to another person. How else are you going to successfully ask them out if your anxiety is over the roof?

Right before approaching your crush to ask them out, take a deep breath in and out. The more oxygen in your brain, the better it will all go. [Read: How not to be nervous – 18 easy ways to eliminate nerves before a big move]

Even with the realization that asking out your crush is a bold move that you should make, we can still second guess ourselves. Give yourself a pep talk to boost your ego and confidence before talking to your crush. Remind yourself that you look good, that you’re a decent human being, that you’re funny, and about all your other best traits.

Or, you can also have a friend hype you up and remind you of the best things about yourself. They’ll let you know you can take a few minutes to ask out your crush, and they’ll say yes. If your crush turns you down, you will survive and move on like a champ! Never underestimate the power of a good pep talk from a good friend. [Read: How to welcome positive energy and vibes into your life]

Calmness is a very attractive trait on someone, so you need to stay as calm and collected as possible. You can’t show who you really are if you’re awkward and anxious while asking them out. Although we all have jitters, remaining calm for those few minutes is important.

Showing too many nerves can make you look unsure. Confidence is always an attractive trait and even if you don’t feel confident, just fake it till you feel it. All you need are a few moments of bravery and you could have a first date around the corner. Being calm is how to ask your crush out in the best way possible.

When you are nervous to ask your crush out, you may end up being subtle and ambiguous about it. Be specific about the dates in hanging out if you want to know how to ask your crush out. Otherwise, they might not even be aware you’re asking them out on a date, especially if you’re using the words “chill” or “hang out.”

Without nailing down a time and place during the initial ask-out, things tend to get canceled or postponed. If you really want this date to happen, suggest a specific date idea. [Read: What you need to do when you like a friend and want to ask them out without risking the friendship]

Don’t beat around the bush, or get vague when you ask them out. If you don’t tell them you’re interested in them romantically, they could get the wrong idea. As scary as this feels, you need to put your feelings out there.

This is your one shot to get it right, and avoid planting yourself in someone’s friendzone for life. So it’s okay if they turn you down for now, but don’t trap yourself by mumbling or changing your plan midway. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

Are they slouching while crossing their arms? Did they smile when they saw you approaching? Do they have a nervous smile? Or are they genuinely in a good mood? You do not want to ask out someone that is not in the right state of mind, and sometimes reading the unspoken parts of a situation is what is needed.

If they’re in a bad mood, maybe reschedule the asking out for later when they’re in a better mood. You don’t want to risk getting rejected just because it’s a bad day for them.

You really don’t need to be all that serious when asking them out on a date. Even if your emotions are all over the place, you can inject humor and keep it lighthearted instead of deep and uneasy.

In fact, they’ll appreciate this since you’re making them laugh with whatever joke or cheesy pick-up line you come up with. [Read: How to be funny and make people absolutely love your company]

Don’t ever second guess yourself. You can work up the guts to approach your crush with plans to ask them out, but then fall back. You may try to act as if their response means nothing to you. You’re allowed to show your feelings, regardless if they say yes or not.

If they say yes, don’t be afraid to show your joy around them. If not, you don’t have to take back your offer. Own the way you feel.

The right circumstance is really everything when you’re asking someone out. It may seem easier to ask them out when they’re distracted with friends, or when you just walk into them in the hallway, because there’s less pressure on you and it’s easier to just blurt your feelings out. But don’t.

Don’t be sneaky. Asking someone out is not about slipping a date in, it doesn’t work that way. They have to listen to what you want to say, and give you their answer after a bit of thought.

Try to get some alone time with each other, and veer the conversation towards a date when no one’s around. That’s your window of opportunity to talk to them and muster the courage to ask them out! [Read: 50 really cute things to say to your crush and make them feel special]

Texting and social media may be some of the most common ways to ask your crush out nowadays, but there is a lack of connection.

Of course, if you’re really scared to do it in person, you can ask them out over a text. But if you can, always try to do it in person. You’ll be able to read their body language, and see the way they respond to you. By asking your crush out in person, you can be sure it’s not just a pity date or something they’re doing because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

Granted that it’s easier to take rejections over text, but asking someone in person always makes you appear way more confident, and more importantly, there’s a connection that comes with communicating your interest in person. It may seem scarier than sending a text, but it’s also more rewarding! [Read: How to ask someone out over text and get that satisfying yes]

Have a date planned in your mind. You don’t have to have reservations, but you need at least a rough plan. Remember what we mentioned about being specific and direct? The same applies to planning a date. It has to be well-thought of and absolutely not rushed.

Take time to think about what they like and dislike *if you already know*, and take things from there. Having a plan lets you be prepared and less nervous. If they do say yes, you need to share a plan immediately and let them know when you’d like to meet them and what you have in mind to do together so you can “seal the deal” instead of leaving it hanging. *leaving plans for later can increase the chances of someone flaking on you!*

Okay, we did say that you need to put yourself out there, and be specific with the date. But if your crush tells you they’re busy on that particular day and drops a line like “…maybe some other time,” don’t hesitate.

Your crush may be trying to brush you off and reject you without saying it, or they may genuinely be busy. So come up with a suggestion for another day. This gives you the clarity you need, and lets them know you’re genuinely interested in them.

If they decline the new day you suggest as well, or don’t really answer with a yes or a no, it probably means they’re not into you or they need more time to consider it. Drop the conversation, and talk about something else, don’t be pushy.

If they are interested in a date with you, they’ll let you know over the next few days. But for now, just accept this as a rejection and don’t ever bring up the topic of a date with them again, unless you want to be branded as pushy and clingy.

No matter if your crush accepted your date or not, you should be proud of yourself! This is always something worth celebrating.

It’s a big step for your confidence and your dating future, after all. There’s something to be said about your bravery and courage the moment you successfully manage to ask your crush out.

Knowing you have the ability and courage to ask your crush out can give you a huge boost in confidence, and that confidence will translate into every other part of your life as well. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups and rejections]

No matter their response or excuse, just respect it and move forward. Now you know whether or not they are interested, you can move forward. Resenting them or being bitter will just prove their answer further and that they were right to say no to you.

Be mature and collected in accepting their rejection and move on. It’s easier said than done, but you must respect their answer. Don’t insult them, or take back your date offer just because they say they don’t see you a certain way, that’s childish and totally immature as well! [Read: How to respond to rejection and do the right thing]

You may feel like your heart is skipping a beat in your throat, but no matter what their answer, asking a crush out after setting the right foundation is very rewarding in many ways.

So it’s no big shock that asking someone out is a big social challenge.

Let that sink in for a second!

Is asking someone out really that hard?

Not if you follow my easy to use roadmap for asking someone out…

Even if you’ve never done it before.

Even if you’re scared as hell.

We hate small talk. We hate it so much that we’ll avoid people altogether so we won’t have to deal with the same awful questions:

Ironically, though we hate small talk, we cling to it like a shipwreck victim clings to a life preserver. Why?

Because it’s all we know. And everyone else is doing it, too. So much for our mom asking us, “If all the other kids jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?” Now we know the answer would be: Yes, of course.

Here’s what you can do instead:

Above all, just start talking. The other person has just as many insecurities as you do. They’ll be grateful you took the plunge and started talking to them first so they didn’t have to go through the agony of taking the initiative themselves.

And conversation, no matter how good you think you may be, can be mastered along with your self-improvement skills! Learn how here:

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The easiest way to feel confident asking someone out is to come in prepared. I call this finding your diving board. Before you approach someone, you should know what commonality you both share. In other words, is there a topic, place, hobby, or activity that you can use as a diving board into a date?

The formula you can use to ask someone out is:

Here are some examples:

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Let’s dive a little further into the ask. There are a few things you want to keep in mind before asking someone out:

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Building confidence, talking to people, gaining their trust? Those things take time and practice. Here’s the good news: asking someone out only takes a few seconds! The question is: Do you ask someone out in person, through text, online, through email, on social media, on a dating app…?

I think this is an essential part of your success. You want to pick the method that makes YOU most comfortable. Of course, I will always recommend in person because you can easily read their body language and gauge how they’re taking it, modify your behavior accordingly, and either quickly redirect or run.

We also like seeing people’s faces because it puts us at ease. A smile makes us smile, and body language fosters empathy and a sense of feeling connected to another person. Which as you can imagine works in your favor big time when asking someone out.

Plus, asking in person makes you look brave and serves as good practice for the date! If you can’t handle talking to them in person, how can you handle meeting for coffee?

However, there is also a downside to in person: There’s no hiding.

If you know that you will be too nervous to use confident body language or take in their cues, then phone or email might be a better option for you. So let’s review the options and tips.

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Let’s get something out of the way: I like texting to build suspense and get to know each other, BUT too much texting is dangerous because it sets a precedent. You don’t want the potential relationship to hinge on texting instead of face-to-face communication. And you definitely don’t want to finally show up to a date and awkwardly realize the rapport you had over text doesn’t translate to real life.

Texts should be primarily used for two things:

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Ah, online dating. Welcome to the 21st century. A few ground rules:

Focus on getting little yesses from the other person: “I think talking in person is a better way of getting to know someone than email.” If you can get a yes on topics you know they’ll agree with, they’re more likely to say yes to meeting up with you.

Suggest something that’s easy and a low investment, like getting a coffee. You don’t have mutual friends to attest to how wonderful you are, and this person doesn’t even know what your voice sounds like. You’re a total stranger! By making this easy for them, you’re not putting any pressure on them. This gives you major brownie points in their eyes.

Once the other person confirms, give them two options to choose from (i.e. Friday night or Saturday afternoon). This shows respect for their time and gets them more engaged in the conversation.

Finally, send them your phone number “just in case something comes up” and ask for theirs as well. (Note: Obviously, do this only if you feel comfortable.)

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Don’t feel like you have to go out for the first time alone—especially if you are asking someone you don’t know very well. Go on double or group dates. It’s less pressure for everyone involved, and you won’t have to worry about awkward lulls in conversation with other people around you.

Stumped for group date ideas? Here’s a few:

You’re only limited by your imagination and people’s interests!

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Before you can find love, you should aim for a much easier target: humor!

According to Professor Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas, sharing a laugh together is a strong indicator you’re interested in each other. Men especially use humor to gauge a woman’s romantic interest. And Hall’s study found that women were in fact more likely to laugh at men’s jokes to show they were interested.

Humor indicates you’re a warm and fun person. And who doesn’t love someone who’s warm and fun? It also deepens the relationship, so you’ll have a stronger bond that can last years once the initial flurries of attraction wear off.

And because humor is a safe method for testing mutual interest, you don’t risk overt rejection. You can casually feel the person out and segue into asking for a date in a way that feels natural. You smooth talker, you.

Now you’re probably thinking, “But I don’t know how to be funny!” Look, we’re not talking about doing stand up comedy.  In fact, Andrew Tarvin at Humor That Works says humor is subtle and requires very little effort. It can be as simple as a smile, a turn of phrase, a play on words, or making a funny face. Even then, it’s not so much about being funny as being fun, and making people feel welcomed. “If you think fun, you think positive and you think inclusive,” Tarvin says, “you’re well on your way.”

You know who’s super funny? Children. They’re always smiling, laughing, and fun to be around. They think everything around them is hilarious, and they let you know it. Are they doing stand up like Chris Rock or Louis CK? Of course not! Kids are too busy pouring cereal down their pants and smashing bananas on their foreheads.

You can take away two key lessons here:

This kind of warmth and openness works. How many times have you seen a kid thaw even the most serious adult? Point being, you don’t need to be a comedian to make humor work for you. Focus first on being warm and inviting. You’re at a dinner, not a deposition. If you remember nothing else, remember this:

Okay okay, but what if you really want to nail your comedy skills and wow everyone in a room like a pro?

Then you need to listen to my friend David Nihill. He went from being mortally terrified of public speaking to doing stand-up comedy at sold out shows, and winning storytelling awards … and he did it in just one year. He wrote a guest post for us on 8 Ways to be More Funny. Check it out here.

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Want to know if someone is into you? Pay more attention to body language and flirtation. Men and women do this very differently:

For example, women show their desirability by tilting their head to expose their neck (a prime erogenous zone). Men stand up straight, square the shoulders, plant their feet slightly more than shoulder width apart, and display their hands.

As you get better at reading and responding to body language, you’ll notice people finding you more charismatic and responding to you better. “Fake it till you make it” is a tired and overused phrase. People sense desperation and inauthenticity wafting off you like a bonfire. Faking confidence won’t mask that.

So how do you project confidence when you’re shaking in your shoes?

Researchers at Ohio State found that good posture gave people more confidence in their thoughts, and they rated themselves more positively versus when they were slumped over.

“People assume their confidence is coming from their own thoughts,” said Richard Petty, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at Ohio State. “They don’t realize their posture is affecting how much they believe in what they’re thinking.”

In other words, you can’t think yourself better … but it is possible to use confident body language to trick your brain into believing you really ARE better. A quick and simple solution to this is something called Power Body Language.

Power Body Language is a way of standing and expressing yourself that not only makes you more influential with other people (in a way that’s totally authentic and honest), but also makes you feel more confident too.

Confidence not only ensures you’ll actually ask the person out; a University of California study found that students consistently ranked people who spoke up often as more intelligent than they really were. So confidence literally makes people think you’re smart and a leader! All good traits to have when you’re trying to put your best foot forward and impress someone.

If you’re still nervous about asking someone out, consider that we spend the majority of our lives worrying too much about ourselves, and we don’t pay nearly as much attention to other people’s perceived flaws.

In other words, whatever you’re self-conscious about, the other person’s probably too busy feeling self-conscious to notice. So cut yourself some slack. It’s likely the other person will be flattered you asked them out (or impressed, because the very idea makes them nervous too).

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Remember that old story about Cyrano de Bergerac?

Trust me, you’ve heard it before, even if you don’t recognize the name. It’s about a guy wooing a girl … and one of his friends is hiding under the balcony feeding him lines. Nothing worth doing is ever done solo, so why should dating be any different?

Your friends can play matchmaker for you. They’ll even be thrilled to do it, because who doesn’t love seeing two people hit it off? Plus it makes them look good when their recommendation is a hit.

Did you ever hear the story about the supermodel and the rockstar who couldn’t find a date? It’s true. Iman and David Bowie got hooked up by their mutual hairstylist after complaining to him that they were unlucky in love. They were happily married for over twenty years. Goes to show you even famous people need matchmaking help from a friend sometimes.

Try this:

If you don’t have a particular person in mind to ask out, but you’re actively looking, ask your friends what interesting friends of theirs you should meet.

Note how you’re not outright asking for matchmaking services. Why?

So instead say:

“Hey, I’m looking to make new friends and you know interesting people. Who do you know that is super cool that I should meet?”

Two reasons this works:

First, they’re more likely to offer suggestions since the pressure’s off about being perfect and hooking you up with your one true love. That’s like asking someone to hit a Grand Slam on their first day of Little League practice.

Second, you’re still very specific with this request. You’re not looking for new business contacts. You’re looking for casual relationships you can explore to see if there’s something worth pursuing.

Dating is a numbers game and much of your success in asking people out requires simply connecting with a lot of folks. Your friends have classmates, coworkers, neighbors, friends of friends, a favorite barista… the list goes on. They may even arrange a personal intro if you ask.

And if they don’t have a recommendation ready for you? No problem. They’ll know about social events where people with your shared interests are hanging out.

A huge mistake people often make when meeting someone is they let their hopes get dashed when they don’t see any initial chemistry. So they give up on them. This drives me nuts! This person might be friends with your future significant other! Why give up so quickly before they can introduce you?!

For example, if you’re a woman looking for a man, and you make friends with a guy but there’s no spark, you may think why bother talking to him again?

But this guy knows a ton of other guys! Imagine if you met one new guy a week. After a year, that’s 52 men, plus all their friends and cousins and co-workers. How quickly do you think you’d be introduced to a guy who’s right for you?

So keep making friends, and don’t hesitate to ask them for help. Remember, you’re practicing your dating skills by meeting people, even in casual social situations.

This way when you finally meet someone you’d like to ask out, it’ll feel natural. You’ve practiced cracking jokes, you’ve practiced Power Body Language, and you’ve practiced meeting tons of people. You’re ready for the playoffs.

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A few more things I want you to keep in mind before your big ask:

Practice. Practice. Practice.

Real talk: Asking someone out is super nerve-wracking. No matter how confident you are, putting yourself out there is a big risk—because getting turned down stings. In fact, a slew of recent research has shown that social pain—the emotional response you have from being rejected or ostracized by others—actually shares some of the same neural and neurochemical substrates as physical pain. In other words, similar things are happening in your brain when you stub your toe and the person you like turns you down.

This is largely why rejection is painful—so painful that you may end up avoiding asking people out altogether or act so nonchalant and non-committal that the person you're asking out doesn't even know if it's a date or not.

This is no way to be. You need to be direct, bold, and confident when asking someone out. And you need to know—and fully believe—that rejection isn’t the end of the world. If you get rejected, it’s actually a good thing. You don’t want to waste your time with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, and you also want to respect the boundaries of others.

If the idea of asking a person out sounds confusing or horrifying, not to worry. We have all the information you need right here: Everything you need to know about asking someone out in a way that will leave you feeling OK, no matter the answer.

Whether over an app, text, or in-person—we have the tips you need to score that date (or at least try). Here is how to ask someone out (without, you know, being weird about it).

We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to making the first move. One of the biggest relationship problems men face is a fear of rejection.

Don’t let it hold you back. “No one wants to look foolish or be rejected for being ourselves," says Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. "Also, there is a struggle with feeling good enough. This fear and worry keep us from taking healthy risks such as putting ourselves out there. This type of thinking happens to protect our ego and from getting hurt."

If you get too into your head about it, you’ll psych yourself out. When you build everything up in your head, spend days on end texting, and don’t make concrete plans, you read into things. We all do it.

“Don't overthink it or make it harder than it has to be. Keep it simple. Ask if [they] want to have dinner or drinks,” Overstreet says.

Just go for it. If they say yes, awesome. If they don’t, you didn’t waste more of your time than necessary.

Overstreet says not to beat around the bush when it comes to asking someone out. If you do, you'll confuse the person and could possibly find yourself in the depths of a misunderstanding.

“Don't be vague with a question such as ‘Want to hang?’ Be specific when asking [them] out," she says. "For example, ‘Do you have time for dinner Tuesday night?’ It shows that you are interested in them as a person versus just someone to ‘hang’ with.” A date is a date. Be bold about and unapologetic about it. Caginess is for amateurs.

When it comes to dates, don’t make elaborate plans. It seems like there is so much pressure to “stand out” or be interesting. If you have the personality, you don’t need to take them to the zoo and then ice skating and then skydiving and then deep sea fishing to be memorable.

Yes, we know how corny this sounds, but a lot of guys—especially those who fear rejection—attempt to be someone they’re not. They act like some suave, clever womanizer they think the ladies want. (Spoiler alert: most don't.) Don’t be like those guys. “Authenticity is the best game you can bring,” says sex and relationship expert Shamyra Howard, LCSW. “Don't present the person you think you should be; it's best to be your genuine self. This isn't the time to fake it until you make it.” You want someone to like you for who you are. Besides, how long will you able to keep up the charade of being someone else?

If you don’t get a definite “Yes,” they aren't necessarily not into it, Overstreet says. If this is the case, pay attention to the way in which they respond. “If they are busy and don't give you an alternate option, then they aren't interested. If they are busy but offer an alternate time/day to meet, then they are interested but can't make the day you suggested.” If they make an attempt to reschedule, don’t view it as a rejection. Give them a chance to make it happen. If they don’t, well, you have your answer.

“If they don't reply, you can try one more time on another day,” Overstreet suggests. “If they don't reply a second time, let them go and move on.”

It’s pretty simple, really: If someone wants to go out with you, they’ll go out with you. If they don’t, they won’t. Put in the effort, wait for reciprocation, and if you don’t get it, cut your losses and get on with your life.

Meeting someone and asking them out in real life (we know, what?) has its own set of rules. Don’t just walk up to a person you think is cute and ask them out. Start with small talk and gauge common interests.

“See how they respond,” Overstreet says. “For example, if you approach someone and they don't reply, are short with you, or move further away, then move on. If not, discuss something that they may be interested in depending on the location you approach them at.”

Read the situation based on your setting. If you’re in line for a coffee, ask them about their favorite drink or if they tried that new seasonal beverage. If they engage with you, keep going. Ask them their name, what they do for work, etc. Just don't be creepy about it.

Pay attention to body language and the vibe you’re getting—this takes some self-awareness. If her arms and legs are crossed, she’s literally closing herself off to you. Leave her alone. If she doesn’t turn to face you fully, it likely means she doesn’t want to engage with you, so don’t ask her out. Now if she’s shifted her position to directly face you, and she’s making eye contact and smiling, she’s interested. “If you still have a green light, ask them to meet for coffee this week,” Overstreet says.

If you do get rejected, ask yourself: “So what?” Really, how is this going to affect the rest of your life?

It’s not. “If rejection didn't exist, you may have ended up in a relationship with someone who wasn't a good match for you,” Overstreet says.

For the love of God, don’t try to convince them to change their mind, adds Howard. Some classic romantic films like The Notebook teach men that persistence is a sign of affection and devotion, but it is absolutely not. It's scary. “It’s actually a huge turn off and a consent violation,” Howard says. Just move on.

• Put a note in a sweet treat.
• Buy them flowers.
• Keep it casual with a gif.
• Spell out your question with food.
• Write a note on a stick of gum.
• Make a pun with a can of dates.
• Bring them some coffee.
• Change your name in their phone.