How to flirt not obviously?

Some girls have it. And some girls don’t. But is that really true? Can’t any girl master how to flirt with a guy subtly, and effectively? Well, now you can! Honestly, flirting with a guy is the easiest thing to do, if you really understand a guy’s mind.

When you think of a girl flirting, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Touching a guy unnecessarily? Laughing at all his jokes? A high pitched voice? Sexual innuendos? Lots of back-and-forth banter? Public display of needless affection? Staring into each other’s eyes so deeply that it makes everyone around wanna throw up? [Read: What is flirting? The science behind this common act]

Okay, that IS flirting. But it’s flirting to the hilt, to the point that makes everyone around cringe, and want to scream “go get a room” at the couple!

While making it obvious that you want to chew on each other’s face is flirting, it’s exactly this kind of flirting that makes every girl want to avoid flirting – because the common portrayal of flirting is so over-the-top. And it’s also verbal dry humping, not flirting.

Honestly, the right kind of flirting is a lot more subtle, it’s discreet, and it’s the kind that makes someone fall hard for you without even knowing why they’re falling for you. Wanna know how to be that girl who can make guys fall for her by the end of a conversation? You can be that girl by the end of this article.

Let’s get to the basics here, how do men flirt? You need to understand a man’s mind before you try to seduce him with words, right? [Read: How men flirt – 15 subtle things guys do to impress girls]

Men, no matter what their age, love the idea of charming women. They may be smooth talkers or nervous wrecks when it comes to communicating with women, but they all love the idea of charming women.

If you really want to know how to flirt with a guy, you need to understand this fact that guys are always excited to flirt with a girl. But then again, guys aren’t going to flirt outrageously with every girl they meet. Flirting is scary business for a guy. They can’t risk making a flirty move at a girl, unless she gives them a sign.

After all, a wrong move by the guy and he could be called a pervert or a sleazy git who throws himself at women. So sometimes, all you really need to do is let a guy know that it’s okay to admire you *a.k.a. flirt with you*, and flirt he will! [Read: How to let a guy know you’re interested without appearing overeager]

If you’re talking to a guy and want to flirt with him, you’re at the right place. Just go on reading and you’ll know it all in no time.

If you’re interested in a guy, want to make eye contact with him from afar, and want him to approach you, use this guide – How to get a guy to talk to you – The shy girl’s guide

Or if you’re already texting the guy, it gets way easier! Just use this guide, and work your magic in no time – How to flirt with a guy over text – 25 examples that work like a charm

Wanna master the art of subtle flirting while talking to a guy without flirting at all? Read on!

Guys may think twice before trying to flirt with girls, but if you follow these steps on how to flirt with a guy, you’ll have guys warming up and flirting with you all the time, even if they’re with their own girlfriend!

And you do know this little secret, don’t you? Guys are drawn and attracted to a girl they can flirt with. So work your magic!

Remember, you don’t ever have to make the first move if you know these tips on flirting with a guy subtly. Just follow these steps as simple as they may seem, and by the end of it all, you can make any guy you like flirt with you without ever making the first move!

Guys love a girl who’s happy and full of positivity. And guys especially love a girl who smiles and laughs when she’s having a conversation with them. Don’t be arrogant or rude to the guy you’re talking with, or to people around. Guys stay away from girls who behave this way, even if they’re attractive looking.

Be warm and approachable when you’re talking to a guy. Smile a lot and blush when he compliments you, and we assure you his heart will skip a beat!

And better yet, ask him all the right questions that’ll make him laugh out loud, and feel more relaxed. Do that, and he’ll want to stick around and talk to you forever. [Read: 15 fun questions to ask a guy to make him laugh and want you around]

Guys love compliments, and compliments are one of the stepping stones of a happy flirty conversation. If you like something about a guy, make sure you compliment him for that. He would love the fact that you noticed something nice about him, and furthermore, he’d go out of his way to have a flirty conversation with you.

And likewise, if he’s being rather courteous or chivalrous, thank him with a warm smile. [Read: 25 unique compliments for guys they’ll never ever forget]

When you acknowledge a guy’s chivalry or gestures positively, he’ll try harder to please you. And along the way, he’ll be warmer and will flirt more, just to win your attention. [Read: The damsel in distress and why men find them irresistible]

One of the secrets to know how to flirt with a guy subtly is to really feel, and believe you’re enjoying the conversation with him *you like him, so chances are, you ARE enjoying the conversation already!*.

Focus on the guy completely as you talk to him. And when you’re having a conversation with him, look into his eyes deeply and smile now and then as he’s talking to you. It may confuse him or make him feel awkward, but a deep eye contact and a happy smile will make him wanna lose himself in your eyes too. You didn’t think subtle flirting was this easy, did you?!

Lick your lips, suck on a straw, look away and run a finger across your lower lip as you contemplate over something he said, bite something, apply chapstick, do anything that brings the focus to your lips. Subtly, of course!

You may catch him staring at your lips, but don’t get too flattered just yet. There are some girls who feel so thrilled that their flirting moves are working, they start gloating about it either by laughing at the guy’s face or getting carried away. Don’t be that girl, seriously! It’s a huge turn off. Focus on subtlety, and just play along nonchalantly as he falls for you. [Read: Lip-biting and the scientific explanation behind why it’s so sexy]

Now this works, and how! Have you ever realized when you’re talking to anyone, you usually only stare at one eye and not both eyes at once? Okay, now that you’ve got that premise, let’s go on.

When you’re talking to a guy, focus on one eye for a few seconds, and then shift focus to his other eye. And then, shift your gaze to his lips. And there we have the triangular eye contact. Stare at each eye one at a time, and his lips, and repeat it occasionally during the conversation with him. Men use this seduction move all the time, so why shouldn’t you use it right back at them?!

This may sound petty and trivial, but having your own quirky expressions work! Do you wink when you say something funny? Or do you stick your tongue out when you say something silly? Or do you tilt your head to one side while trying to make a point?

Whatever it is, spend a few minutes in front of the mirror and work on your unique expressions. Learn to use your eyes and your facial expressions to your advantage, and you won’t really need words to impress a guy and make him flirt with you.

Learn to flutter your eyelids, work your smile and your little happy expressions, and va-va-voom! You’ll be a flirty goddess no guy can forget. And they’ll flirt harder and harder to see those same expressions on your face!

It may take a while for you to pick up on expressions that work for you, but learning to use your expressions to your advantage can change your life forever. [Read: The 15 most obvious signs of flirting between a guy and a girl]

When you’re talking to a guy, be genuinely interested in what he has to say. Now, of course, if you like a guy, I’m assuming you’re definitely going to be interested in his words. Engage him, ask him to elaborate, and listen attentively.

But if you’re only faking interest while staring at him blankly just so he can flirt with you, maybe you’re better off flirting with someone you enjoy talking to.

Now don’t ask us why, but guys are suckers for those hair flips and twirls. Perhaps, it’s because we can’t play flirty with our hair like women can. Guys love it when women run their hands through their hair.

The next time you’re in the middle of a conversation, you can run your hands through your hair to show off your confidence or tuck your hair behind your ears with your fingers to show off your sexy cuteness. But whatever you do, it’ll only make a guy’s jaw drop in awe.

Just a word of caution, don’t be one of those girls who play with their hair throughout the conversation. Use this move once every ten minutes or so, because it just looks disturbing and too eager if you flip your hair across his face every couple of minutes! [Read: 10 flirty moves that girls think are cute but guys absolutely hate!]

If you really want to know how to flirt with a guy, you should also learn to put him down in jest, or make him work harder to impress you. You can’t always put him on a pedestal just because you like him.

If his joke isn’t really funny, say it. If he’s trying too hard, say it. Pull a guy down a few notches once in a while, and he’ll only overdo himself to prove himself to you.

Always remember this, if you want to successfully flirt with a guy and make him flirt with you, you have to make him feel special. But the flirty game still has to be in your control. [Read: How to tease a guy and make him realise just how much he likes you]

You should make him feel nice, but teasing him in jest or putting him down once in a rare while gives him something to fight for. You know how competitive men are, use it against him and he’ll only try harder. [Read: 25 sexy ways to solder and ooze sex appeal]

Almost all manly guys with raging testosterone like a feminine girl. You don’t need to act like a dainty princess out of a fairytale all the time. But when you’re having a conversation with a guy, try to be subtle and feminine, be it in your voice or the way you dress.

This may seem sexist, but a brash or loud girl is actually more of a turn off for guys than anything else.

Well, at some point, you’re going to have to up the ante on the subtle flirting, right? So far, you’re making him take all the effort.

Touch him subtly at the right moment, this is one of the best ways to make a guy desire you and want to flirt with you. Men just can’t help but go weak in the knees when a girl they’re flirting with, touches them.

It’s involuntary, but every time a girl touches a guy, either on his arm or his shoulder, the guy opens up more and feels more comfortable to talk to the girl or flirt with her.

Learn to touch a guy now and then while talking to him and you’ll see how easy it will be to make him flirt with you in minutes! [Read: Easy examples and ways to touch a guy and arouse his senses]

You don’t have to act like a school girl to win a guy’s heart *that IS creepy*, but if you want a guy to start flirting with you, you need to make him feel like he can protect you. The masculine has always been the hunters and the protectors through evolution. So if you want him to be drawn to you, you need to let him take the lead at least for a few minutes.

Men like to take the lead, be it asking a girl out or flirting with her, so just play it easy and wait for him to start flirting with you. After all, you don’t want to start flirting before he does and risk a chance of getting blown off, do you? [Read: The ultimate girl’s guide to be way more feminine while talking to a guy]

If you’ve understood how to flirt with a guy, you’d know how important it is to make a guy you’re flirting with feel special. Now, you don’t need to do anything new here, but you need to remember that when you make a guy feel special, he’d get attracted to you and would want to be with you.

Make him feel special with your smile and your expressions, and your compliments and your flirty touches, and any guy you like would want to flirt with you and would find you desirable in no time. [Read: 15 effortless ways to make a guy feel special when you’re talking to him]

Now this is important. It’s easy to realize you’ve turned into a powerful flirty goddess who can mesmerize men with the snap of her fingers. Yay, good for you! But know when to stop, and hold back from ever overdoing it.

How can you tell you’re overdoing it? The easiest way? You feel it! It’s always better to underplay your flirting moves and leave the guy guessing, instead of making it so obvious that it looks like you’re throwing yourself at the guy.

Another key to remember. Yes, you have boobs and a never-ending cleavage. Or maybe your legs are ah-maz-ing! If it really is as awesome as YOU think it is, believe me, the guy has checked it out already.

Don’t bend over low while grinning at him, or stretch your leg across his face just so he can see how sexy you are. Flirt with subtlety, mystery is more of a turn on than attention-seeking actions that scream “I want the D”. [Read: 15 subtle secrets of seduction all girls must know]

Flirting is an art that not every girl can master.

Read this post to find out how to flirt with a guy in different settings without being too obvious. But before we get into the nitty-gritty, let’s take a look at how men flirt and what they expect.

Regardless of age, men love the idea of flirting.

But always know that guys are not always attracted to the beautiful ones but to those who make themselves available.

So,

Flirting almost always attracts men.

But every girl approaches flirting differently. Some go for sending affection signals, while others are a little more playful and teasing.

Whatever style you choose to flirt with a guy, the key is to be confident so you can send the right message across.

But most girls are reluctant to flirt out of fear of rejection or embarrassment and to solve this genuine problem, I am going to share 35 subtle ways to flirt with a guy without being too obvious.

Whether you study or work together or simply have a virtual relationship, there are always ways to flirt with him.

You have met him already, and there is an intense attraction, but there is no surety. Try out things differently through text.

Flirting over text can be challenging primarily because:

So here is a quick guide to how to get started and continue it for a lasting relationship.

You don’t want to seem too desperate to get into a relationship. So give it a slow start. A few texts here and there are fine. Try not to overdo it in case there is no icebreaking between you two yet.

In case you are having a hard time getting started, this one is a good trick where you can still flirt without being too obvious.

Try this:

“The weekend plan works fine for me. Just check with Jane!”

And a few minutes later, you can send another one saying.

“Oops, sorry wrong message. By the way, how are things at your end?”

Even without showing that you had any intentions of having a conversation with him, you can get started.

When flirting with a guy over text, “Hey, what’s up” will not work. Nor is a conversation about your family problems get you two going.

Use some creativity. Try something unique—something that can put a smile on his face and make him think about you throughout the day.

Here is an example:

“Hey, quickly choose one for me. Strawberry ice cream or mint chocolate chip?”

And if he does not respond, you can add:

“I prefer the latter, but just wanted to know which one will you choose for me?”

Refer to tip # 1. Take it slow. Even if there is chemistry between you two, it is best to take it slow and leave some unanswered questions.

You don’t have to respond to everything he asks.

Make it a little mysterious for him.

Tip: Yes, it is a subtle way of flirting!

Let him think more about you. Too many details about everything may backfire.

Men love humor, and they love it, even more when it comes from their crush. Use light humor to cheer him up. Not that you have to forward jokes all day, but something original. Something related to both of you.

“I had so many to-dos for today. Can you please help because all I can do right now is think about you!”

What if there is no body language that you can use to flirt with him?

Try emojis.

A wink and a grinning emoji can definitely add a lot more meaning to your message, even if you don’t write much.

Flirty texts have to be short and sweet! And they don’t have to be all day long. It’s a good idea to send a few teasers to keep your guy interested, but it’s best to leave some things for next time too.

When flirting with a guy over text and you still don’t want to be obvious, know a few don’ts.

And there is a lot more to flirting with a guy over text that you can read here.

You really like this guy and want to know more about him.

Stalk him on social media, and don’t miss a chance to flirt with him there.

After all, what’s a better way to find out what’s happening in his life than Instagram and Snapchat. So why not use it to your advantage?

As soon as you follow him on Instagram, he would know.

And you get access to all his lovely photos that you can like and compliment.

Another bold move would be to DM him. Who knows, he too might be interested in knowing more about your social side?

When you DM him, don’t forget to display your mature yet witty persona.

A Quick Tip:

Your profile picture says a lot about you. Choose one wisely!

“Like” it, and you will give all the subtle clues you need to send to your guy.

When you give attention to his posts, it won’t go unnoticed.

Take it a step forward. Share his posts. Again this little effort may help you win him over.

The best part about Instagram is that you get to see the fun and exciting part of his life. And, of course, some of the best photos.

Compliment him. Share your thoughts and take help from emoticons.

But just like everything else, you don’t have to overdo it.

With social media, you already get to know so much about a person without even asking them. But if it is about this one particular person you are flirting with, use this information to start a conversation.

Find more about his interests. His favorite activities. And the next step could be the possibility of doing it together. Maybe?

Yes, you are trying to flirt with him over social media, but it’s not always about him. Flaunt about yourself. Show your fun side. Give him a glimpse of what it really feels like to be with you.

Yes, you will have to make an effort to flirt with him over social media. But here is a quick don’t list.

When things are online, one lousy impression can last for a long time. And the best way to deal with it is to avoid it.

So you study with him.

And have a little naughty feeling for him.

Here is how to get started.

First thing first. You will have to be friends with him to begin your expedition.

A great start could be to invite him over a group hangout plan.

He won’t feel awkward, and you, too, will get a way ahead.

And if you two are not in the same class, there can be several other ways to get in touch with him.

A quick tip:

Mutual friends are an asset – Use them wisely!

You have finally managed to have him at a friend’s party. Now you need a decent intro. (Which is a subtle indication of your availability)

Guys are good at picking up signals.

So rest assured your efforts won’t go unnoticed.

Inviting him over a drink or dance can be a good idea. But it may only work when you two know each other, and the icebreaking is already done.

If you are planning to invite him over dance, and he shows up, “contain your excitement.”

And once he is there, then obviously, that’s a start to weekend meetings and some pre-date hangouts!

But it is best to keep such meetings short and sweet.

There is still a long way to go!

Flirting with a guy you know can be fun. But at the workplace, it’s a different ball game altogether. But so what if there are so many people around and it is a professional setting. You can still flirt with him and let him know what you want.

Impression matters. So get into your best look and get his attention.

But like always.

Take it slow, or it may give an impression of something else.

It’s a professional setting and often a confined space. Observe the office rules, respect them, and know the boundaries before you get on with your game.

At work, there are good days, and there are bad days. Know when to compliment him and when to encourage him.

And when he outperforms others, don’t miss a chance to compliment him.

Look straight into his eyes and get that instant connection.

He would know as you hold contact and give a smile away.

A quick tip:

Don’t hold in for too long, or it might make him uncomfortable.

In case it gets a little too awkward, and a few sneaky ones here and there notice it, you may ask a quick work-related question.

Why didn’t you respond to my email?

Men never fail to notice a woman’s smile.

So why not flash him with your bright smile and lit his day.

And the best part about a smile is that you can use it to show your fun side. But you can also use a slightly different smile to show desire.

Choose wisely! And in case you aren’t sure how to do it, practice a little in front of the mirror.

Walk past him and when he is least expecting it, go for a quick wink.

Here a few guidelines.

Brush against him, and you can take your flirting to a whole next level.

But like everything.

Go slow and gently brush past. You can also bump into him (accidentally, of course!)

Add a sensual charm to yourself. Dress professionally but make it best to get his attention. Choose comfortable outfits that can also impress him. Attract by how you walk, move and work.

A flirty way seldom fails to get attention.

Perhaps, the best and foolproof way of flirting with a guy without being obvious is collaborating at work. And if you are not sure how to get something done, why not ask for his help?

Of course, you can try all of the above ways to flirt with a guy without being obvious; there is a little extra when you know him and are in a physical setting with him.

You need to grab something. Get into his way to get your job done.

Stroll past his desk. He cannot not give you the attention you were looking for.

If he is talking to you, give him attention. Listen intently. Look straight into his eyes. Give a nod.

You are not just listening!

A woman’s laughter can brighten up a man’s day. Give a heartily laugh and show that you love his company.

When you talk to him, pay special attention to your lips. He surely will do the same.

Touch his arm or leg accidentally. A gentle, short touch will say a lot.

In case he is not comfortable, it was just accidental!

You cannot deny the role of body language to get someone’s interest.

And you can make the most of it when you are not in a professional setting.

Be relaxed and show subtle signs of flirting without being too obvious.

A woman complimenting a man on something she finds attractive is super sexy without being too suggestive -- as long as she focuses on his PG attributes.

“Complimenting a guy is a great way to flirt without giving up your power,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. “When you give a compliment, it shows that you feel self-confident enough to make someone else feel good. This not only makes the guy feel less threatened by you, but your apparent self-confidence also makes you more attractive.”

Smile

It’s easy, effective and any girl can do it!

“Smiling is the easiest way to flirt,” says Lieberman. “It’s guaranteed to make you look a lot prettier, and you don’t have to prepare for it first. Another advantage to a smile is that it’s non-committal. You could be flirting with him, or you could be remembering something funny that someone said to you earlier in the day. So you don’t have to be embarrassed if he doesn’t flirt back.”

Give him openers for conversation

Make it easy for him to talk to you by having a few topics in mind that will get the conversation bubbling. You can talk about the venue where you’re at, the drink you’re enjoying -- just about anything that he could potentially chime in on.

“A lot of guys get stuck figuring out how to start a conversation without seeming dorky or too smitten,” says Lieberman. “So, if you give him an opening, he’ll feel less on the spot and appreciate the encouragement.”

Touch him

A tap on the arm to reinforce your point will do the trick. (Save his inner thigh for after you’ve gotten to know him.)

“Flirtatious touching is a great indicator that you are into someone,” says Sadie Allison, M.D., founder of TickleKitty.com and bestselling author of Tickle His Pickle -- Your Hands-On Guide to Penis-Pleasing. “But keep it clean so he doesn’t get the wrong idea of your light affection.

Touching the arm, hair or face is ok. A brush on his chest might be ok too -- just stay above the belly!”

Make eye contact -- then look away

“Making eye contact and holding it just a few seconds longer than a casual glance causes him to take notice of you and start to wonder what you may have meant by that,” says Lieberman. “It’s the cool ‘silent flirt’ that can make him want to know more.”

No need to wink or lick your lips (ew!). A simple glance will do.

Be expressive

Catch his eye by being the type of woman who isn’t afraid to get up and dance or stay seated and express her opinions.

“Showing a man that you are bold in your feelings about life can capture his attention and make him want to get to know you,” says Lieberman. “Men don’t like women who are boring, insipid or lethargic. Express yourself and he’ll want to engage with you.”

Flip your hair

“If you’re not too obvious about it, flipping your hair is a classic sign that you’re being flirtatious,” says Lieberman. “It worked in 6th grade and it will still work for you as a grown woman.”

Men find the feminine aspects of your appearance irresistible and there’s nothing like the tried-and-true toss of your mane to pique his interest.

Make fun of him

Another thing to borrow from the 6th grade? Be a little mean. Men love to be teased -- just be sure that your try at humor doesn’t come off as rude.

“A well-placed barb that deflates his puffery can be effective,” says Lieberman. “But, you need to be able to walk the fine line between showing him that you’re clever and not intimidated, without hurting his feelings. Men like an intellectual challenge, but remember they have sensitive egos that bristle at too much sarcasm.”

Be an actual lady

Contrary to what you might think, you don’t need to be “one of the guys” -- in fact, be just the opposite!

“While it’s great to have a ‘tomboy’ up your sleeve for the fun sporty things you may do with him later, when you’re new and just in the flirting phase, keep it sweet and simple,” says Dr. Allison. “Men are attracted to the feminine qualities of a woman, and will take you more seriously as a potential mate when you exhibit that. Plus, it will show him you’ll know how to act appropriately when you meet his mom!”

Ask him questions

“Asking questions shows you’re interested in knowing him better,” says Allison. “Commenting on what he tells you is even better, and shows you’re really listening to what he’s saying. Keep the questions lighthearted and general. Find out about who he is and what he likes. Do not ask questions about sex -- it may give the wrong impression and the conversation could go downhill fast.”

Suggest hanging out

A flirty way to ask for a date without really asking is to suggest doing something related to a topic you’ve just discussed. Like, if he says he just went skiing tell him you’re interested in learning how.

“Lots of people talk but many don’t listen,” says Fulbright. “He’ll appreciate that you really do process what he says and that it’s important enough to remember.”

Bring up something from the news

Okay. Don’t be a current events geek or Bachelorette-loony about this but ask for his opinion on something in the “news” or in pop culture that he couldn’t have missed unless he lived under a rock.

“This shows you care about what he thinks,” says Allison. “It’s a great way to flirt and gives him an opportunity to enjoy being around you. Acknowledge his thoughts, even if you don’t agree. And be sure not to barge in with your own opinion, derailing his. Keep the conversation mutually respective. Stay away from slutty by not talking about sex -- at all.”

Be open

When you have inviting body language -- appearing warm and friendly -- he’ll find you much more approachable.

“Open body language is inviting and sends the right message so he knows you’re into him,” says Allison. “Subtle openness like loose arms (never fold them), lots of eye-contact, smiles and giggles to his comments are all good. Just don’t take it too far, like leaning in showing cleavage, or not sitting like a lady.”

Be wanted

Use your powers of attraction to grab the attention of other men in the room. No -- don’t make out with them. Just make sure he realizes other men notice you, too.

“Being wanted by other men is a healthy addition to your overall flirt effect,” says Allison. “When you carry yourself well, hold your head high with self-confidence and security, it's very attractive to men. Add a hot outfit that’s well put together to the mix and there’ll be no stopping you! Just don’t be surprised when you notice eyes scanning you from across the room. When a man observes other men interested in his hot date, it reassures him he’s got a good catch. He’ll feel proud and he’ll want you even more.”

Dance with him

“Dancing is very sensual in nature, allowing you to give hints of what’s to come and express how much you want him without throwing yourself at him,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. “He can also feel physically close to you, in a way that will have him wanting more.”

But no humpty dance please.

Mimic his movements

When you mirror the movements of someone you’re interested in it sends the signal that you’re on the same wavelength. For starters, try subtle moves like sitting in the same position that he’s in.

“This is the ultimate flattery,” says Fulbright. “And so much of the processing happens on a subconscious level, making us like people who mirror us more.”

Ask him for help

There’s no better way to make a man feel wanted than to ask for his help with something -- even if you know you could do it yourself!

• Use their name.
• Tease them.
• Ask them more questions.
• Say something a little sensual.
• Mention things you like to do briefly.
• Reveal more about yourself over time.
• Make yourself seem busy.
• Wait to text them back.

A woman complimenting a man on something she finds attractive is super sexy without being too suggestive -- as long as she focuses on his PG attributes.

“Complimenting a guy is a great way to flirt without giving up your power,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. “When you give a compliment, it shows that you feel self-confident enough to make someone else feel good. This not only makes the guy feel less threatened by you, but your apparent self-confidence also makes you more attractive.”

Smile

It’s easy, effective and any girl can do it!

“Smiling is the easiest way to flirt,” says Lieberman. “It’s guaranteed to make you look a lot prettier, and you don’t have to prepare for it first. Another advantage to a smile is that it’s non-committal. You could be flirting with him, or you could be remembering something funny that someone said to you earlier in the day. So you don’t have to be embarrassed if he doesn’t flirt back.”

Give him openers for conversation

Make it easy for him to talk to you by having a few topics in mind that will get the conversation bubbling. You can talk about the venue where you’re at, the drink you’re enjoying -- just about anything that he could potentially chime in on.

“A lot of guys get stuck figuring out how to start a conversation without seeming dorky or too smitten,” says Lieberman. “So, if you give him an opening, he’ll feel less on the spot and appreciate the encouragement.”

Touch him

A tap on the arm to reinforce your point will do the trick. (Save his inner thigh for after you’ve gotten to know him.)

“Flirtatious touching is a great indicator that you are into someone,” says Sadie Allison, M.D., founder of TickleKitty.com and bestselling author of Tickle His Pickle -- Your Hands-On Guide to Penis-Pleasing. “But keep it clean so he doesn’t get the wrong idea of your light affection.

Touching the arm, hair or face is ok. A brush on his chest might be ok too -- just stay above the belly!”

Make eye contact -- then look away

“Making eye contact and holding it just a few seconds longer than a casual glance causes him to take notice of you and start to wonder what you may have meant by that,” says Lieberman. “It’s the cool ‘silent flirt’ that can make him want to know more.”

No need to wink or lick your lips (ew!). A simple glance will do.

Be expressive

Catch his eye by being the type of woman who isn’t afraid to get up and dance or stay seated and express her opinions.

“Showing a man that you are bold in your feelings about life can capture his attention and make him want to get to know you,” says Lieberman. “Men don’t like women who are boring, insipid or lethargic. Express yourself and he’ll want to engage with you.”

Flip your hair

“If you’re not too obvious about it, flipping your hair is a classic sign that you’re being flirtatious,” says Lieberman. “It worked in 6th grade and it will still work for you as a grown woman.”

Men find the feminine aspects of your appearance irresistible and there’s nothing like the tried-and-true toss of your mane to pique his interest.

Make fun of him

Another thing to borrow from the 6th grade? Be a little mean. Men love to be teased -- just be sure that your try at humor doesn’t come off as rude.

“A well-placed barb that deflates his puffery can be effective,” says Lieberman. “But, you need to be able to walk the fine line between showing him that you’re clever and not intimidated, without hurting his feelings. Men like an intellectual challenge, but remember they have sensitive egos that bristle at too much sarcasm.”

Be an actual lady

Contrary to what you might think, you don’t need to be “one of the guys” -- in fact, be just the opposite!

“While it’s great to have a ‘tomboy’ up your sleeve for the fun sporty things you may do with him later, when you’re new and just in the flirting phase, keep it sweet and simple,” says Dr. Allison. “Men are attracted to the feminine qualities of a woman, and will take you more seriously as a potential mate when you exhibit that. Plus, it will show him you’ll know how to act appropriately when you meet his mom!”

Ask him questions

“Asking questions shows you’re interested in knowing him better,” says Allison. “Commenting on what he tells you is even better, and shows you’re really listening to what he’s saying. Keep the questions lighthearted and general. Find out about who he is and what he likes. Do not ask questions about sex -- it may give the wrong impression and the conversation could go downhill fast.”

Suggest hanging out

A flirty way to ask for a date without really asking is to suggest doing something related to a topic you’ve just discussed. Like, if he says he just went skiing tell him you’re interested in learning how.

“Lots of people talk but many don’t listen,” says Fulbright. “He’ll appreciate that you really do process what he says and that it’s important enough to remember.”

Bring up something from the news

Okay. Don’t be a current events geek or Bachelorette-loony about this but ask for his opinion on something in the “news” or in pop culture that he couldn’t have missed unless he lived under a rock.

“This shows you care about what he thinks,” says Allison. “It’s a great way to flirt and gives him an opportunity to enjoy being around you. Acknowledge his thoughts, even if you don’t agree. And be sure not to barge in with your own opinion, derailing his. Keep the conversation mutually respective. Stay away from slutty by not talking about sex -- at all.”

Be open

When you have inviting body language -- appearing warm and friendly -- he’ll find you much more approachable.

“Open body language is inviting and sends the right message so he knows you’re into him,” says Allison. “Subtle openness like loose arms (never fold them), lots of eye-contact, smiles and giggles to his comments are all good. Just don’t take it too far, like leaning in showing cleavage, or not sitting like a lady.”

Be wanted

Use your powers of attraction to grab the attention of other men in the room. No -- don’t make out with them. Just make sure he realizes other men notice you, too.

“Being wanted by other men is a healthy addition to your overall flirt effect,” says Allison. “When you carry yourself well, hold your head high with self-confidence and security, it's very attractive to men. Add a hot outfit that’s well put together to the mix and there’ll be no stopping you! Just don’t be surprised when you notice eyes scanning you from across the room. When a man observes other men interested in his hot date, it reassures him he’s got a good catch. He’ll feel proud and he’ll want you even more.”

Dance with him

“Dancing is very sensual in nature, allowing you to give hints of what’s to come and express how much you want him without throwing yourself at him,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. “He can also feel physically close to you, in a way that will have him wanting more.”

But no humpty dance please.

Mimic his movements

When you mirror the movements of someone you’re interested in it sends the signal that you’re on the same wavelength. For starters, try subtle moves like sitting in the same position that he’s in.

“This is the ultimate flattery,” says Fulbright. “And so much of the processing happens on a subconscious level, making us like people who mirror us more.”

Ask him for help

There’s no better way to make a man feel wanted than to ask for his help with something -- even if you know you could do it yourself!

To understand modern-day nonverbal signals of attraction and the science of flirting, it is helpful to look at the history of where our body language comes from. Our caveman ancestors used the same body language we use today.

Here are the messages we are trying to send with our body language to potential mates and what is seen as attractive:

The question is, how does attraction happen? In this guide, we’re going to dive deep. We’ll go over:

But first…

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Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher says that the human body knows within one second whether someone is physically attractive or not. Here are the body language cues that humans find most attractive:

Want to make someone think about you long after the conversation? Learn to master the art of making a good first impression.

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Once our mind decides we like someone as a potential mate, our body automatically begins to change physically to attract the person. Our cheeks flush to make us look like we are aroused, our lips swell to look more fertile, and even our pheromones pump to attract the other person. Here are some tips to maximize your flirt game:

Leaning toward someone is a nonverbal way of telling them you are engaged. This works especially well if you are in a group of people and you are interested in one person in the group. A way to show them you are interested is by leaning toward them. This will subconsciously pull them in your direction and tell them you want them more.

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Head tilting shows interest and engagement. If you are speaking with someone, let them know you are present and interested by tilting your head and gazing at them. Be sure to not look over their head or around the room; this shows lack of interest and sensitivity.

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If you want to attract people, don’t hold out on compliments. One study by Professor Norihiro Sadato and his associates, and focused on social rewards, found that receiving praise was the best way to motivate participants… and it was even better than receiving cash!

This sounds counterintuitive, right? You might talk about getting a raise or finding the next big thing on a date, but perhaps all we want is a compliment.

When researchers asked forty-eight participants to complete a finger-tapping activity, the groups that received praise for their performance showed a significantly higher rate of improvement relative to other participants.

Why?

Second, when you assign someone a positive label, such as being highly intelligent or being a good person, that actually cues them to live up to that label. In a nutshell, this is called the Pygmalion Effect.

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The definition of mirroring is when we nonverbally “copy” someone’s body language. We can mirror someone’s posture, hand gestures, leg position, and voice.

And it’s not just about copying someone’s body language outright. Mirroring can, and SHOULD, be subtle!

Researchers studied participants and used slo-mo film1. What they found is that we show a “microsynchrony” of small movements, movements so sensitive that they are hard to see with the naked eye. These movements include tiny momentary dips and nods of the head, tense fingers, stretched lips, and jerks of the body—all beautifully matched when a pair of friends are in strong rapport.

We can’t clearly see mirroring, yet the brain registers it.

If you want to mirror with attraction, try to mirror subtly. To find out more about mirroring, head on over to our mirroring article.

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Did you know that humans can decode touch? We instinctively know what types of touch mean anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, and sympathy. According to one study, we are 48–83% accurate at decoding touch:

When it comes to a flirty touch, use the 5-in-15 rule of flirting2. In a nutshell, you want to try to touch the other person 5 times within 15 minutes. You can naturally touch someone while joking around (coming next!), when you meet someone, and even when making eye contact for even more flirting power.

For intimate touches, try touching closer to the 3 Hs:

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Listen, last night I was on Google. I was searching for a list of ten puns to find one that made me laugh…

No pun in ten did.

Get it? Not funny? OK, I’ll let myself out…

In all seriousness, to flirt means to raise conversational energy, and there’s no better way to flirt than using good ol’ humor. And if you’re not funny, don’t worry—humor is easy to learn. Try using the Rule of 3. At its most basic level, the Rule of 3 establishes a pattern, then ends with something unexpected. You can even use a rule of 4. For example, let’s say you’re reading a list of the 4 Fs that humans have a natural drive for. That list is:

Now this is funny because we all know what the last F actually is. The Rule of 3 creates expectancy and breaks down that expectancy by offering something completely abnormal, usually resulting in laughter. Think of it as 1 normal, 2 normal, 3 funny/odd/different.

When you are flirting, try to come up with the Rule of 3 throughout your conversation:

You can see some examples from the world of TED here:

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You’ve probably heard the old phrase “The windows are the eyes to the soul.” And you’d be right! In one study of 48 singles, pairs who gazed into each other’s eyes reported significantly higher feelings of affection.

So what exactly causes this eyeballing spark of attraction? When we gaze into another person’s eyes, we nonverbally say, “I am being attentive to you.” It fills our need for attention. When we gaze, it comforts us by reminding us of when we were gazing at our mothers at birth.

Plus, it releases an insta-hit of dopamine! Boo-yah!

If you’re trying to eyeball a stranger from across the room, check to see if he/she looks back at you. Not just one glance, but two, three, or even four times. Play back by exchanging eye contact and a warm smile. A long gaze is the best way to introduce yourself without having to say hello.

Pro Tip: If your eye contact seems too harsh, try breaking it up with a wink. A wink is an affectionate split-second break that stops continuous eye contact from turning creepy.

Tip for Women: If you’re making flirty eye contact with someone, keep persisting. Researcher Monika Moore studied eye gaze and found that most men require usually 3 separate gaze signals in order to “get” that they are being flirted with. Sometimes even up to 5 for really slow men. And if you’re hitting on a woman, she might not notice either. So keep eyeballing!

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Have you ever glanced at someone and immediately see they’ve given you the flash?

Coupled with a smile and a quick up-and-down of the eyebrows, the eyebrow flash can be an attraction cue we use when we’re attracted to someone. A great way to flirt is to flash when you first see someone you’re interested in. We eyebrow-flash when:

The eyebrow flash is even a worldwide-recognized gesture of greeting. Use it to greet someone or spice up a conversation by making strong eye contact and flashing your brows.

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So what are the actual signs of attraction? How do they come out in the body? Here are some body language cues for attraction:

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When we are attracted to someone, blood will flow to our face, causing our cheeks to get red. This happens to mimic the orgasm effect where we get flushed. It is an evolutionary way the body tries to attract the opposite sex. This is why women wear blush. This also happens with lips and eyes. The redder the lips and the whiter the eyes, the more fertile and attractive someone is.

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Purse behavior is a form of nonverbal communication. It is how someone interacts with their environment based on their emotions. The purse is an interesting indicator of nonverbal behavior. For example, if a woman is feeling uncomfortable or not attracted to someone, she will either clutch her bag tightly or place it in front of or covering her body. When a woman is attracted, she literally and figuratively wants nothing to stand in the way between her and her target.

If she is loosely holding her purse and it is not blocking her front, this shows she is at ease and feels more attraction. Better yet, if she puts it on the floor, a nearby table, or the back of the chair, she wants it out of the way for her interactions with you. [Please note context here: if you are in a very public or potentially dangerous location, she could be gripping her purse for safety concerns, but in a casual place or on a date, this can be a good indicator.]

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“He makes my heart race” is no cliché. Studies have found that when someone is near an attractive person, their heart rate increases. AND this works both ways. Researchers tried increasing someone’s heart rate and then putting him or her near a stranger. This then artificially made the person seem even more attractive. People seem more attractive when our heart is racing. I wouldn’t recommend taking someone’s pulse on a date or in a bar, but you can see someone’s breathing rate increase and you can feel the heat of their palm if you are holding their hand and want to go in for a kiss.

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The feet serve as a direct reflection of a person’s attitude. The key is to recognize where a person’s feet are pointed. When the feet are pointed directly toward another person, this is a sign of attraction, or at the very least, genuine interest. If, on the other hand, the feet are pointed away or toward the exit, this means that signs of attraction are probably not present.

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Men and women flirt slightly differently. After all, it might be pretty awkward to see a man try to flirt like Marilyn Monroe…

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What parts of the body do we tend to expose the most? Some people may think the “naughty parts,” but the most obvious and PG-rated answer is our wrists, pits, and neck.

The wrist, underarm, and neck areas are all highly sensitive areas of our body that usually only lovers or close ones have access to. These 3 areas of our body each play a different role:

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Instead of using friendly humor, women often tease others. Men do it too, but women will give backhanded compliments to see how someone can handle them:

I’ll be the first one to admit it—when I first met Scott, I tested him like crazy. I think it’s a mechanism built inside of us to see how others handle stress. If he breaks, there’s a red flag. But if he’s as cool as a cucumber, he’ll be able to handle greater stress and problems in the future.

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When women are really digging someone, they might tilt their back and stick their butt out to form a curve.

A flirting woman may push her chest out, accentuating her chest, while pushing her buttocks out in the opposite direction to make it appear bigger. Notice the curve that runs down her back is in the shape of an S.

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Men flirt more directly than women. Here are the cues to watch for:

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Besides leaning in, men will find any excuse to get closer. Look for these territorial cues of attraction:

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Are you familiar with the 5 love languages? The 5 love languages include words of affirmation and acts of service, but many men prefer physical touch. Men tend to show their affection through touch, and if he’s flirting, he’ll find any excuse to touch you:

As long as it’s not unwanted and you show positive signs, he’ll keep up the touch throughout the date.

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When men flirt, they may lie. Why?

Because they might want to appear cooler than they really are. They do this to impress the woman they are with. So if you ask a man about where he got a scar on his arm and he responds with something like “I fought a tiger,” then you can probably guess he’s lying.

And studies show that men actually get away with lying twice as much as women. If you want to keep the attraction up, all you have to do is stroke his ego—yes, ladies, it’s that simple.

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Picking out the perfect profile picture is hard.

You have to find one where you’re feeling pretty dang attractive—the perfect angle, the perfect lighting, the perfect smile.

And while most of us choose a photo of ourselves sporting a big grin, it raises the question:

It’s definitely a go-to pose for most people, especially on social media. We want to appear happy, friendly, and carefree, laughing or smiling with those pearly whites right in view. But is it what people of the opposite sex find attractive when they first see your picture?

The truth is: yes and no.

But first, if you want a truly deep-dive experience into the science of body language, check out our book:

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That is the question. And the answer to this question depends on whether you’re a man or woman.

Research has shown that men rate women as more attractive if their first impression is their beautiful smiling face. But women’s preferences for men are exactly the opposite—they find that the most attractive first impression is when a man is brooding and mysterious (see here: “the smolder“).

In a study done by Jessica Tracy and Alec Beall, men and women rated the sexual attractiveness of the opposite sex as they viewed pictures of individuals expressing a range of different emotions. These facial expressions varied from happiness (smiling), pride, sadness, moodiness, powerful/confident, etc.

Women found that men who smiled were the least attractive. They even preferred the men who had a moody or shameful facial expression over those with a smile. The reason? Women rated the men with a brooding, mysterious facial expression the highest because it made their faces look more masculine—something women subconsciously desire and look for when choosing a mate.

An interesting tidbit that Beall noted when analyzing results for this study was that smiling is linked to a lack of dominance and that “previous research has also suggested that happiness is a particularly feminine-appearing expression.” Another reason why women tended to prefer men who weren’t smiling.

Women, on the other hand, had the highest-rated first impressions when they were smiling. Men recognize smiling as a flirtation technique (meaning that the woman is available), so this cue attracts them. Men actually rated women who had powerful and confident expressions and body language as the least attractive in this study.

This lack of attraction to dominant women and women’s strong attraction to dominant men reflect the traditional and old-fashioned gender norms that have emerged in our Western society and have been reinforced throughout history.

Women, don’t let this discourage you from being confident, powerful, and happy. And men, don’t stop smiling. This study was solely based on first impressions of sexual attraction, not whether these men and women would make amazing partners.

I hope you found this flirting article helpful! In the meantime, here’s another article you might be interested in: 10 Ways to Become Instantly Irresistible (& Own It!)

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Even if you're shy, try extra hard to look into his eyes while you're speaking with him. This will show that you're engaged and really listening to what he has to say. Listening to him, and showing that you're interested, is an easy way to flirt without making it extremely obvious.