How to be at ease?

• Change your perception.
• Embrace change.
• See your doctor.
• Watch what you eat.
• Get moving.
• Manage your stress.
• Get to know your triggers.
• Connect with others.

A client recently called me the ease whisperer. It’s true. I’m always looking for the path of least resistance. Call it lazy, if you wish. I call it brilliant.

But, ten years ago, I would have more likely been called the crazy, busy lady who didn’t have space in her life to breath.

Just like most modern women, I was taught that life was hard. This mentality was delivered to me in phrases like:

You must work hard.No pain. No gain.Stay busy.Don’t let the grass grow under your feet.Go harder.Stay on top.

I was really good at hard. I usually was the first to volunteer to work a holiday night shift to make more money. I would work out my body to the point of injury. And, I was the Queen of Busy.

I was exhausted, miserable and too afraid to slow down.

Stop and smell the roses? Who had time for that?

So, what changed? Well, as cliché as it may sound, I went to Paris.

Suddenly, I felt that my entire life had been built on lies. And, I came home from that trip determined to live with more ease, attention and joie de vivre. More importantly, I returned with a deep commitment to have a romance with myself and life.

I had to experience the fear dolce far niente (Italian for ‘sweet idleness), but here’s the beauty of it all: the more I ease I felt, the more clarity I gained.

I’m one of those rare creatures in a fast-paced world that wholeheartedly believes that life can be full of ease.

Some days I do it well; other days, I fail miserably.

But, I remind myself that this is not about perfection; it’s about intention and progress.

I want to live in a world where we take breaks, breathe more fully, enjoy our daily lives more, cut our to-do lists in half (or more), work smarter (not harder) and leisurely hustle through life.

Now, let me be clear: ease doesn’t mean that you sit on your sofa and sip Moscow Mules all day expecting the world to fall at your feet.  That will most definitely create more hardship.

That’s why I like this definition of ease:“to make (something unpleasant, painful, or intense) less serious or severe.”

So, if you’re craving more ease, here are 10 ways to get you started:

1. Ask “Easy” Questions. Your mind is a creative tool that will answer any question you ask of it. Ask poor questions, and you’ll get poor answers. So, if you want to know the 1,000 reasons why life is hard, ask that question and you’ll probably get 1001. But, what if you asked one of my favorite questions: how can I make this easier? I’ll tell you what will happen; you’ll find more creative solutions to seemingly hard problems.

2.  Cut your to-do list in half.I know it may freak you out, but just give it a try. Most people are doing things that aren’t really necessary for what they deeply desire.  And, packing your days with busyness leaves very little space for creativity and clairity.  When you begin to slow down a bit, you’ll discover what’s truly important to you. Be honest: do you really want to participate on that board? Or head up the fundraiser? It’s okay to say no.  In fact, it’s highly recommended.

3.  Stop Comparing. If you want to make your life hard, keep looking over the fence at your neighbor’s life.  If you want to spin in circles, look at what everyone else is doing. If you want to drive yourself crazy, constantly compare yourself to others. But, if you truly desire ease, stop it!

4. Don’t be a Busy Whore.One of the ways to guarantee tension is to pack your schedule from morning until night (and, by no means give yourself a break). Be the busiest lady you know.  It’s the perfect recipe for overwhelm and hardship. Or, you can do what I do: at the beginning of my week, I sit down and think about who I want to become and I structure my schedule around the answer.  When I take a peek at my calendar, I check in with myself to make sure it feels calm, manageable and efficient. If it doesn’t, I start deleting. Busy is not sexy; it’s crazy making. (tweet it)

5.  Honor Your Feminine Flow (Literally).My business manager loves me so much that she marks my calendar each month with “Aunt Flow Visiting.” During this time, I am mindful of my energy levels, my moods and what my body needs. That’s usually when I carve out a day or two of relaxation and fewer work projects. Regardless of whether you work for yourself or not, please honor your body’s needs and rhythms and give yourself some extra TLC on those days.

6.  Declutter.  A cluttered home is a telltale sign of a cluttered mind.  Begin to look at your environment under scrutiny and ask yourself: do I love this item or does it make my life easier? Start ridding your life of everything else.

7.  Cultivate a Mind of Ease. Every action I have suggested will not create ease unless you work on that pretty head of yours.  I tell clients that ease is a mindset. Yes, I’ve been that woman sitting on a beach and thinking, “I don’t have time for this.” No amount of external manipulation will create ease if your mind is wired for hard. Here are some mantras to get you started.

8.  Focus on Today. Nothing will spin you into crazyville than trying to figure out your entire future. While it’s important to have a vision of where you want to go, you’re only going to get there by caring for this day that you’ve been so blessed with. Bring your mind to what’s happening right now in front of you. That’s all there ever is.

The way we start our day makes a big difference in how we feel the rest of the day. Take a moment to pause, check in with how you’re feeling, relax your body, think about what you’re grateful for, and bring a sense of presence to your morning routine.

Science shows that how we hold our bodies directly impacts our confidence. Try slumping over and saying, “I feel confident today!” It doesn’t compute. Throughout the day, try relaxing the body, rolling your shoulders back, and standing straight. Go ahead and fake it till you make it—your brain will soon get the message.

Make a list of the people who nourish and encourage you. Make an extra effort to have more regular contact with them and less contact with people who are depleting to you. Ideally, you can do this is in person, but a simple text back and forth will also help.

One of the best motivators to continue a behavior is when we feel like we are “good” at something. Whether it’s drawing, running, being a good friend—do more of what makes you feel good about yourself.

We each carry around deep-seated fears about ourselves, from “I’m not good enough,” and “I’m not worthy” to “When will they see that I’m a phony.” What if instead of running away from your fears, you invited them in with curiosity. Ask yourself, “What am I believing right now, and is it absolutely true?” You may be surprised by the answer, and by how much that can take the intensity out of your fear.

We often make big goals without thinking through what’s actually achievable. Going from never exercising to making a goal to exercise five times a week is likely setting yourself up for failure. A more achievable goal would be to walk for 20 minutes twice weekly and schedule it into your calendar.

Because our brain is wired to focus on what we haven’t done, it’s easy to lose sight of what we have done. Take stock of what you’ve done in a day. Crossing something off your to-do list, even the smallest of tasks, can go a long way in keeping your momentum going.

Sometimes life is just hard. The ability to recognize a difficult moment and apply a caring attitude toward ourselves shuts down the inner-critic, creates stability and awareness, and helps redirect attention back to what matters.

Feeling “less than” can eat away at our confidence. But if you sent out a search party, you would not find anyone more deserving of love than you. Stop, breathe, and let that message touch you for a few moments.

Say what? Sometimes there are difficult people in our lives that we have to spend time with. See if you can recognize that underneath their irritating behavior is a person. Often when someone is “being difficult” it’s because they are having a hard time themselves. They want to feel cared about and understood. Seeing this truth help brings us back into balance.