How to control your emotions in the moment?
I find it's less about control and more about distancing yourself from the emotion. A great technique for this is Cognitive Defusion. When you have a strong emotional thought (e.g., "I'm a failure" when you make a mistake), you rephrase it to create distance: * Instead of "I am angry," say to yourself: "I am having the thought that I am angry," or "I am noticing the feeling of anger in my chest." By treating the emotion as a temporary event that you are simply observing (a feeling or a thought), rather than a fundamental part of who you are, you reduce its power to control your reaction. It's a mental trick that puts you back in the driver's seat.
Controlling emotions in the moment is a skill that takes practice, but it's essential for clarity and good decision-making. You're not trying to suppress the emotion, but rather to interrupt the emotional chain reaction. My favorite and most immediate technique is the STOP method: * S - Stop: Literally stop whatever you are doing or saying. Just freeze for a second. * T - Take a Breath: Take a slow, deep, diaphragmatic breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. This simple act physically interrupts the fight-or-flight response that adrenaline is causing. * O - Observe: Name the emotion you are feeling (e.g., "I am feeling frustrated," "I am feeling defensive"). Also, observe what's happening around you and what the other person is saying. This moves you from the emotional center of your brain to the rational center. * P - Proceed: Decide on a skillful response. This could be, "I need a minute," or "Let me rephrase that," or then saying what you originally intended, but with composure. This process is a mini-time-out that gives your rational mind a chance to catch up with your feelings.
Identify triggers, take a short break, and express your emotions in writing or to a trusted person. Cognitive-behavioral strategies help redirect energy from reaction to response.