How to pee in a cup without missing?

Now for those of you that are screaming out, “Oh my goodness, are you okay???”  Yes, I am. Thanks for your concern. As it would turn out, for whatever reason, my period decided to come two-weeks early, scaring the hell out of me due to the blood coming just after a night of vomiting, thanks to eating something bad.  Not a waste on tax payers dollars though, as it would turn out my pee showed up a very real bladder or urinary tract infection or some such, so no wonder I was feeling so crappy.

At any rate, all that icky stuff aside, I learned a valuable lesson in how to pee in a cup (for ladies), which is not as straight forward as one would think. I arrived at the Medical Lab and was simply handed a cup and a wet nap (which I assumed was to clean the outside of the cup once I was done), as the woman mumbled something about sticking the cup in the fridge on my way out. Okay, not terribly friendly, but she spent her day dealing with people’s pee, pooh, and blood, so I’d let it slide.

Well, I wasn’t quite so understanding of her once I had sat down on the loo, squeezed out the little bit of pee remaining in my bladder into the cup, only to spot the sign telling me to wipe my privates with the wet nap before peeing and then catch my pee mid stream.  All this was written in an area that one would only notice when reaching for the toilet paper. Are you serious?!? Now having no pee left in me and feeling like crap, I was pissed off.  Why had the woman at the desk not told me this???  Quite frankly, she is lucky to have a job and should take pride in doing it properly. By not telling patients what to do with their specimens, you risk wasting thousands in tax payers dollars.  And you know what, if you are uncomfortable with telling people how to pee, then you quite frankly have no business working in a Medical Lab.

Later that day on my second visit to the doctors, due to peeing more blood. I learned that the wiping of your privates and catching of the pee mid stream, was to make sure that what they were capturing in the cup was your actual pee (and possible blood within), and not period blood. Makes sense, but most of us that are feeling crappy aren’t going to know or think of the nuances of how to pee in a cup properly, unless we are told.

So to recap …

For the peer:

For the person handing out cups at the Medical Lab:

Kisses,

You will use a special kit to collect the urine. It will most likely have a cup with a lid and wipes.

Wash your hands with soap and warm water.

GIRLS AND WOMEN

Girls and women need to wash the area between the vagina "lips" (labia). You may be given a special clean-catch kit that contains sterile wipes.

To collect the urine sample:

BOYS AND MEN

Clean the head of the penis with a sterile wipe. If you are not circumcised, you will need to pull back (retract) the foreskin first.

INFANTS

You will be given a special bag to collect the urine. It will be a plastic bag with a sticky strip on one end, made to fit over your baby's genital area.

If the collection is being taken from an infant, you may need extra collection bags.

Wash the area well with soap and water, and dry. Open and place the bag on your infant.

You can put on a diaper over the bag.

-write name on cup.

-sit on toilet.

-hold cup right underneath myself.

-start to pee.

-stop peeing.

-remove cup.

-sit cup on floor.

-finish peeing.

-place cup in cabinet.

-wash hands.

At one point in time, women need to take a urine drug test. It may be for a job application, migration, legal purposes, or part of an athletic organizations’ requirement. So they wonder how to pee in a cup properly.

If you are one of the women wondering how to pee in a cup, this blog post is for you. We’ve outlined a few tips on how to urinate in a cup in the most hassle-free, mess-free way as possible.

Always hydrate yourself not only before a drug test. Make it a habit to drink at least 2.7 liters of water a day. This will help you produce enough amount of urine anytime.

Avoid drinking diuretics such as coffee or tea as much as possible before the test. This is due to the fact that diuretics can lead you to pee more frequently. That is something you do not want to happen. You must pee during the examination. This ensures that you have enough urine in your drug testing cup. According to the NCBI, the sample must be at least 30 ml in volume.

Physical activities like running, dancing, and brisk walking can make you sweat a lot. That’s where all your consumed liquids might go, leaving you with little for the drug test cup, as in the case of Jen Needham.

So before taking the test, don’t exercise. Save your breath and body fluids for later.

Women with shy bladders (paruresis) have difficulty urinating in public restrooms. That’s why they try to pee as much as they can before leaving home. The problem is, they produce so little urine or none at all for a drug test.

If this is your case, try to relax. Do deep breathing exercises. Think of the beautiful places you’ve been to and the lovely people you’ve met. Keep your mind at ease.

The technician will offer you a paperwork to fill out before the drug test. Fill out this form completely. It’s also a good idea to let the technician know if you’re taking any medications for a medical issue. Because your test is likely to produce a positive result.

As a result, it is best to have your prescription with you. It will demonstrate that you are taking the prescription as prescribed by your doctor.

For drug testing, you should collect the clean catch sample. Below is a step-by-step guide on how to pee in a cup.

As part of the requirements to get a badge for a particular hospital, students are required to get a urine drug screen. I thought it would be simple: go to the employee wellness center, pee in a cup, submit said cup for analysis, and go on my way. How naïve I was. Mistake number one was going for a run that morning. And by run, I mean slow run. And by slow run, I mean walk/run. Because let’s face it, 100% humidity at 7am on a Houston summer morning isn’t exactly conducive to anything else. A slow, innocent run. For my health. Eco-friendly. Embracing the morning. My, my, what a good citizen of the world.

A quick shower, and I was off. Traffic jam, divert through back roads; traffic jam in the parking garage, consigned to waiting. Where is this place? I finally found it, and got signed in. “Do you need to drink something?” “I’m trying.” I was cool, calm, collected, nonchalantly sipping a bottle of water. Brand name water TM.

And then came the drill sergeant. She marched me back to an enclosed room. “Empty your pockets. I’m going to lock up all your things. Don’t flush in there, and don’t wash your hands. 30ml.” And she handed me the cup.

Now being female, I knew I was the underdog here. Me vs. cup. The epic saga begins. But I mean, I thought I had it down. I was in control. It’s what mommies teach their toddlers. “Go pee pee on the potty, and I’ll give you a cookie.” I had long since mastered this life skill, right?

I got to 15ml, and I knew I was done. It was all I could manage. I really tried. I wanted that cookie. But I was so dehydrated from my run, and my ADH and aldosterone were tag-teaming against me…

I sheepishly brought my cup out. “I couldn’t do it.” No cookie for me. Shame, shame, shame. “You know by law I’m supposed to keep you here.” She poured out my cup. “You’ll have to start all over. Geez, now your urine is going to be very dilute.” My mind whirled. Oh no, she thinks I’m a druggy! She thinks I’m faking it to dilute drugs out of my system!

I sat down in the chair and felt so guilty. Stupid run. I felt the tears coming. Whose stupid idea was that run anyway? What idiot would go for a run and sabotage herself the very morning she had to produce a urine sample on command? Oh yeah, that would be me. But the worst part was, I must have cried at least 15ml. I felt like kicking myself. I should have just cried into that darn cup.

I recovered, and went to get breakfast and coffee, miracle drug that it is. Not part of the UDS. A diuretic. And proceeded to drink water until my stomach hurt. When I returned an hour later, I saw one of my classmates also on the surgery rotation. “I failed the test,” I told him. “I did too,” he told me. We both had to laugh!

Where I had crumpled under the drill sergeant, my classmate had taken the high road. He had calculated exactly how long he needed to wait for his kidneys to produce his 30ml. He estimated that he weighed 70kg, and at a normal rate of 0.5-2mL/kg/hr, he would make between 35-140mL/hr, or needed between 13-51 minutes. Basically, he knew he would be ready in less than an hour, so he stayed around and drank several cups from the water fountain.

Why didn’t I think of that? I just pounded 3 water bottles and waited until I had to do the bunny hop. Yes, this is where my two degrees in engineering have left me. But for the record, it worked.

A new nurse had replaced the drill sergeant. I think she understood that I was not a druggy, just a student trying to get my hospital badge. “So what rotation are you starting?” she asked me. I sighed. “Urology.”

Oh the irony! Readers, keep me to my word – I will NEVER get impatient with people when they have trouble producing a urine sample again. Never, ever. Lesson learned. Time to go drink some water.

• Run the water. Turn on the faucet in your sink.
• Rinse your perineum.
• Hold your hands in warm or cold water.
• Go for a walk.
• Sniff peppermint oil.
• Bend forward.
• Try the Valsalva maneuver.
• Try the subrapubic tap.

Hold the drug test cup a few inches below the urethra. It's where pee comes out in women. Continue urinating until the cup is more than half full. You can finish urinating in the toilet bowl.