Kristi Okamoto

What should you do if your wedding guests don’t RSVP in time? Politely remind them to respond, first through email and text, then by calling. If you can’t get in touch with them, consider meeting them in person. If they still won’t respond – whether it’s because they’re embarrassed, unsure whether they can attend, or simply can’t be bothered to – then it’s safe to assume that they aren’t coming.

This guide will talk you through the proper way to handle guests that refuse to RSVP by the cut-off date. The most important thing is to stay polite and calm – and remember to enjoy your big day no matter what happens.

You should give your guests plenty of time to RSVP. This is because some people might need quite a bit of time to work out whether they can attend. They might need to organise their budget (for the wedding outfit, travel, accommodation, etc.), try to book time off work, or arrange childcare. They’ll have to fix all of the above before they can give you their firm ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

Send out your wedding invitations – along with your response cards – around six to twelve weeks before your big day. You should include a ‘RSVP deadline’ on the response card. This is the date by which guests must indicate whether or not they’re attending. But when should this deadline be?To set a RSVP deadline, first speak to your venue and your caterer. Find out when they need to know the final head count – this will likely be somewhere between two days and two weeks before the big day.

Then, set your RSVP deadline roughly two weeks before the actual cut-off date. So, if your caterer needs the head count on 15th July, your RSVP deadline should be around 1st July.This two-week window acts as a ‘grace period’, as some guests will undoubtedly forget to post their RSVP cards, or be too busy to do so. Having a gap between the deadline and the cut-off date gives you a chance to get in touch with anyone who hasn’t replied, and find out whether or not they’re coming.

If it’s looking like some of your invitees won’t RSVP in time, it’s not impolite to send a gentle reminder to them. How you do this is up to you, but some ways are more effective than others.What many couples don’t appreciate is just how many people won’t respond to their RSVPs. This isn’t an issue specific to certain weddings - it’s a seemingly-universal problem that you will definitely experience. There will always be people that you need to chase down to get their reply.

Some will be embarrassed that they can’t come, and will have put off responding because they don’t want to disappoint you. Others may have been busy, or completely forgotten that they haven’t posted their reply card, and just need prompting. But most people, let’s face it, are just lazy – they know they have to RSVP, but they haven’t bothered to do it yet.

And that’s okay – nobody’s perfect. But you really do need that all-important head count. So when the time comes to do a little hunting—and it will come—use the techniques below to politely but firmly ask for their response.

Your first recourse should be a quick and polite reminder, to gently nudge late responders into action. Email or text is the easiest way to do it, since you can send out your reminders in bulk. Send out the first reminder before the RSVP deadline, to give to anybody who has forgotten to respond the chance to do so before it’s too late.Ideally, your email or text should go out about a week before the RSVP deadline. All you do is write out a brief generic message, like:

Hi, [guest name]! Not long now until the wedding – [partner] and I are so excited! This is just a quick reminder that I need your RSVP by [date]. Don’t worry if you can’t attend—I just need to know who is and isn’t coming, so that I can confirm the final head count with the caterer. If you’ve lost your RSVP card that’s fine, just drop me a quick message to let me know, or give me a call!

You should hopefully get a few answers back with a minimum of effort. For most guests, a gentle reminder is all they need. You may even discover that some response cards were lost in the post!The problem is that people find it very easy to ignore emails and texts, so it’s likely that there will still be some invitees who don’t make the deadline. Allow a few days for the person to respond before moving on to another method of getting in touch.

If your RSVP deadline day arrives, and you still haven’t received all your responses, your next step is to get your invitees on the phone. It’s likely that they will have noticed your email or text, but haven’t had the time (or bother) to reply - so calling lets them know that you’re serious.It’s not nice to feel that you have to chase after people, but a wedding is serious business, and the sooner you get their responses, the sooner you can plan the rest of your wedding; so you’re entirely justified in trying to get their RSVP.

If they answer, there’s no need to scream and shout. They likely weren’t being rude in not replying. Rather, it’s likely that they felt embarrassed that they couldn’t come and didn’t want to say. Or, they may be unsure if they can attend. They may have even thought that since they’re family, or part of the wedding party, they didn’t need to RSVP!

What the reason is doesn’t matter; what matters is that you finally get their response. Try calling a couple of times, but don’t pepper them with dozens of calls as this will just make them annoyed. Instead, call twice. If they don’t answer, leave a voicemail so that they’ll get back to you when they’re available.

If they aren’t able to give you a straight answer on the phone – or you have to leave a voicemail – then it’s important to stress that time is running out. Politely let them know that if you don’t get their response within a certain timeframe (48 hours, for example), then you’ll assume they can’t attend.

Some guests won’t respond to your texts and calls, but you may be able to meet them in person. It’s a last resort, but you could go to their home when you know they’ll be there and ask them face to face whether you can expect them at your wedding.

Of course, this isn’t a practical thing to do with every single one of your guests –especially if you’re having a big wedding. But if you haven’t had a response from someone very important – such as a close family member or friend – then it’s perfectly reasonable to drop in on them.

Again, there’s no need to be annoyed or angry, as they certainly wouldn’t appreciate you tracking them down to chew them out. Let them know that there’s no issue if they don’t want to attend, but that you do need to know, and now. If they can’t give you a straight answer by the time the caterer requires the final head count, then as far as you’re concerned, they’re not coming.

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The world is aware of cultism in Nigeria because social media users and the mainstream media associate several viral murder cases and massacres with cults thriving in universities and secondary schools. For instance, the Akwa Ibom State government alone discovered 51 cults and societies in secondary schools in March 2020.

CULTISM DEFINITION: According to the Oxford Dictionary, cultism is a religious or social group whose beliefs are secret, individualistic, and esoteric. Cultism involves carrying out some ritualistic practices.

Cultists share common objectives and ideas known or unknown to society, but some leaders hide their intentions from members. Here are the main characteristics of cultism:

Most youths, especially university students, fall into the cultism trap because of lust for power, riches, and prestige. These organizations commission them to kill and engage in other heinous crimes. They lured members into believing this would give them supernatural abilities to achieve their goals.

Young idealistic men started the confraternity system in Nigeria in 1952 during the last years of British colonial rule. They protested against notions of elitism by middle-class Nigerians and were not violent. Today, some groups are more violent than others, but not all members commit crimes.

Some Nigerian confraternities hide their symbols and keep the information among their members, while other cults do not make their signs a secret. Check out the following signs and symbols of cultism in Nigeria:

Pyrates was the first cultism movement in Nigeria. Nobel Prize-winning author Wole Soyinka and his friends from the University of Ibadan in Oyo State (Aig-Imoukhuede, Pius Olegbe, Ralph Opara, Nat Oyelola and Olumuyiwa Awe) formed the group in 1952. They later called themselves the Sea Dogs. They had three objectives:

A group split from the Pyrates in the late 1960s to form a new community known as Secret Cults. Wole Soyinka described today's confraternities as vile, evil groups. He is, however, still a member of the Pyrates, which is dedicated to humanitarian and charitable endeavours.

The Sea Dogs is a controversial secret cult in the Nigerian University System. They have been linked to crimes but also help society, e.g. summoning masses to join the prostate cancer awareness campaign in 2021.

The cult's symbol comprised a skull, two cross-bones, and an anchor. They fight convention (an agreement between states covering particular matters) and tribalism and support knighthood and humanistic ideas/partnerships.

The group's hay days ended when the Buccaneers split from them. As a result, the Pyrates' leadership moved out of campuses in 1984 to distance the group from violence. It no longer recruits students.

Bolaji Carew led a group that was expelled from Pyrate Confraternity in 1972. They formed the Buccaneers (also called the National Associations of Sea Lords) and became more powerful than their mother cult.

Many cults exist in Nigeria because students who never met Buccaneers' high academic and intellectual standards preferred to create their own organizations. However, their symbols and ceremonies still resemble the Seadogs'.

Meanwhile, the Seadogs thrive because some students join the group for fear of being harmed by rivalry cults like the Black Axe and Pyrate Confraternity. Members of the Sea Lords call themselves Fine boys, Ban Boys, Alora, Bucketmen, Lords, etc., and some of this cult's beliefs and sayings are:

Black Axe is a feared confraternity in Nigeria. Some students at the University of Benin in Benin City formed it in 1976 to fight oppression against Blackman (students) in universities. It is believed that the Black Axe founders were runaways from the Neo-black Movement of Africa (an organization in South Africa).

They fought apartheid in South Africa, escaped to Nigeria for safety, and brought that notion to this country. Black Axe's symbol is the axe, and members call themselves Aye, Axe-men, Seven (7), or Amigos. Here are some of their beliefs and sayings:

Some former members of the Buccaneers at the University of Port Harcourt formed the Supreme Vikings Confraternity in 1982. The group was originally called De Norsemen Club of Nigeria. This movement's symbol is SVC (two crossed axes and a boat), and members call themselves Aro-mates, Adventurers, or Vultures. Some of their beliefs and sayings are:

The University of Ibadan's students founded Supreme Eiye Confraternity (also called Air Lords or HABA-KRIER) in 1963. It was established to positively impact its members' social-political, cultural, physical and mental development and was indifferent to other conventional cult groups.

The movement's motto is "there are no enemies, there are no friends; just a confraternity, and discipline." Their symbol is a landing eagle, and members call themselves Fliers, Airforce, Airlords, etc.

Deby Na debt borrowed ideas from a cult in California, and members worship a demon called Ogor. The demon's symbol is an image of a human skull believed to be of a mad person.

Deby Na debt is also called the Eternal Fraternity Order of Legion Consortium. It borrowed ideas from a cult in California, and members call themselves Klansmen (Klansman in singular). They perform an oath to prove their loyalty and believe their mission puts them above all other types of cultism in Nigeria. Here are Klansmen's sayings:

The group is also called the Family Fraternity or Cosanosyra Mafia Confraternity. The Ciao-Sons was formed in 1978 at the University of Ilorin in Kwara State but began operating in Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, in 1980.

Their ideologies originated from the Italian and American mafia. Members attend secret parties, gamble, date girls, keep secrets, and believe in revenge against oppression. They call themselves Maf or Mafiansand chant these sayings:

Founders of female cults are usually university students. Since most of them are girlfriends or colleagues of members of the secret cults, their ideologies are grounded on the men's brotherhoods' beliefs and missions.

Female cultism in Nigeria is about women joining hands to achieve a sacred goal or other special objectives. They usually meet in forests or remote locations to perform rituals, sing and chant spells and invocations. Many women have admitted to being members of the following cults and participating in their activities:

Kegite club is among the few women's movements still thriving today. While some people think it is a cult, others consider it a social group because it does not follow the principles of wealth, power, popularity, and revenge.

Instead, Kegite is a sociocultural movement supporting unity in diversity and promoting regeneration of the mind, soul, and body after a tedious day. Members are very tolerant, believe all ethnic groups are equal and stay true to themselves.

Unlike cults, Kegite's ideology has no negative consequences (such as fear, deaths, crimes, and loss of important moral values in society). The symbol of this movement is close to nature, and it is a green palm.

The Black Bra Confraternity also calls itself the Neo Black Queen of Africa. It is among the top women's cults in Nigeria. The group encouraged development for women of colour, and members wear black from head to toe.

The Daughters of Jezebel is among the most popular female confraternity in Nigeria. Members communicate in a coded language. However, little is known about this group because their activities are top secret.

There are more women cults in Nigeria but are unknown to the people. Some have made headlines, but the media is yet to reveal much about them. Here is a list of cults in Nigeria:

Here are some negative effects of cultism in Nigeria:

Here are some of the reasons people join cults in Nigeria:

The University of Ibadan students Tunde Aluko, Goke Adedeji, Bayo Adenubi, Dele Nwakpele, Bode Fadase, Kayode Oke and Bode Sowunmi formed the movement in 1965.

Here are four suggestions for stopping cultism in Nigeria:

There are different types of cultism in Nigeria. Some are exclusively for men or women, while others have consist of all genders. Most groups were formed to fight for human rights and impact society positively. However, some deviated from their original reason for existence and are now promoting violence, crime, and destructive agendas.

READ ALSO: Top 10 dangerous religious cults in the world

Legit.ng delved deeper into religious cultism in the world. Scientology, the Unification Church, and the Children of God are among the top ten most dangerous religious cults today.